Sanctuary (Finding a Refuge) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Webster’s dictionary defines a sanctuary as a consecrated place, or a safe place of refuge. We tend to think of of a sanctuary first as a room in a religious building. While that may be true, it isn’t limited to just a religious definition. Where is your sanctuary?

We each have places that are safe, a refuge, and our own version of consecrated or holy. They are places to regroup and recharge. It could be in a church, or out in the woods, on a boat in the middle of a lake, a workbench in the garage, or under a tree on a hot day. For the most part they are still and quiet places (even extroverts need to have a quiet place once in a while). It turns out we need these places. Not as a place to stay for prolonged periods of time, but as a safe base to re-call, re-collect, and re-fuel.

I was struck this week by being filled back up spiritually and emotionally by sitting still in a sanctuary. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it. How do you know when you need your sanctuary? What are your symptoms indicating you need to find a sanctuary? How will you know which of your needs are met by going? What are you losing by not having a place of safety and refuge? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Clearing A Space (Preparing Internally) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Sometimes clearing a space to work or think is just as important as knowing what to work on. How do you clear an internal space for yourself?

Just like my grandfather’s workbench. Or your desk at home. The kitchen counter top. Or the treadmill that has been used as a clothes rack, our internal worlds can be cluttered. Sometimes the clutter and chaos inside our thoughts and emotions prevent us from even deciding what to work on next.

I find it useful for, me and my clients, to practice clearing a space internally before moving into decisions or emotions. This becomes almost a meditation of sorts. Pick an image of what organizes things for your internally (a peg board, or cubbies on a wall, hooks or hangers). Then slow everything down inside. One at a time put each topic, thought, feeling, or even person in one of those places until there is enough space. From here, it is then possible to decide what is urgent and important to work on next! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Getting Started (Creating Momentum) – Rhoads LifeCoaching

Have you ever noticed how sometimes it is difficult getting started? Not just with big projects, but in nearly all aspects of our lives. Why is that?

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m bit of a science nerd (visiting the forested wetland at Gilmore Ponds for this video was really cool!). But, Newton’s First Law of Motion states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless an outside force is acted upon it. The corollary to this is the initial effort to start an object moving is greater than the effort to keep an object moving (creating momentum). It turns out this doesn’t just apply to apples or rockets or automobiles. In a way, it applies to all aspects of our lives.

You can create intellectual momentum. Frequently getting started on homework is the hardest part! You can create emotional momentum. Tough conversations are easier once they are going.

For a lot of us though that getting started part is much more difficult that once the momentum is created. How does that show up for you? What aspects of your life (big and small) do you find that initial hurdle of getting started? Are there things that you really want to do but have never achieved because that initial effort was too great?

For me (and when I am coaching), the motivation and then accountability of getting started becomes a big factor in creating the things we want for ourselves. Finding that vision of how things will be once you are going, and then creating that initial burst of energy and effort to get over that first hurdle of getting started, makes growth and development much easier on the other side. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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Finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Introvert vs Extrovert – Rhoads Life Coaching

How do you define the difference between whether a person is an introvert vs extrovert? Do you use a binary system of either being one or the other? Have you ever limited yourself as being too introverted to attempt to show up in the world publicly? Or too extroverted to connect with someone at the personal level?

A black and white definition of introvert vs extrovert limits our ability for personal and professional development. An alternative hypothesis is that being an introvert or extrovert is like moving up and down the spectrum of color. We have the ability move up and down the spectrum and step into varying levels of connection.

The ability to choose something other than your default of introvert or extrovert is a skill that can be developed just like any other. The ability to grow comes from viewing this spectrum like a battery. Just like your cell phone or laptop charge, it takes energy for introverts to be more extroverted. The same is true for extroverts to be more introverted. Introverts recharge by finding solitude and quiet space and time. Extroverts recharge by connecting with others in high energy places.

What is in it for you to step out of your comfort zone and be more introverted or extroverted? What opportunities are you missing by playing small, or by not focusing on the details? Take some time to figure out how to appear different in the world. Then, how to recover from stepping out of your comfort zone?

Interested to learn how coaching would work for you? Message Rhoads Life Coaching to sign up for a FREE consultation! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

10,000 Hammer Strokes (Creation in Repetition) – Rhoads Life Coaching

One of my favorite stories is the legend of the poet Rumi walking through the gold smithing market of Konya and hearing the music of the hammer strokes creating the gold jewelry and wares for sale. Instead of seeing the hot, bustling, smoky, hectic and repetitive monotony of the market, Rumi saw the world being created through daily life.

Are you able to see the beauty in your daily tasks?

If you aren’t, what prevents that from happening?

How many times have you driven to work? Your life would be a lot different if you were not willing to make the effort to take that trip every day. How many emails have you sent? Your business would not be as productive if you were not sending emails. How many soccer/swimming/tennis/football/volleyball/baseball/basketball practices have you sat through? Your children would not be learning and growing and developing their view of the world without this effort! Are these repetitive tasks the monotonous hum-drum of life, or the world being created? You get to pick!

There is certainly an advantage to changing this perception. Suddenly your daily tasks are part of a bigger growth and adaptation that is always happening at a global scale. Even the laundry and the groceries become more important! Is there a disadvantage to seeing the world this way? I have trouble thinking of one!

What are the hammer strokes of your daily life? Where are the most repetitive things that become mundane and routine? What would it take to shift your perspective and see the world unfolding in the repetition of your daily life? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

How Do You Use Your Voice? – Rhoads Life Coaching

In recent coaching conversations, I have encouraged individuals to speak up for themselves or others when a conflict is not being resolved or values are not being met. That has me thinking this week… how do you use your voice?

If we think of each of the many roles we play on a daily basis as each being able to speak, then we have as many voices as we do roles. Sometimes those voices don’t speak up, aren’t heard, or are trampling over other voices both internally and externally.

It is critically important to be able to observe ourselves in how we treat ourselves and act around others. In a world where it is so easy to sound off on social media, what voices are not being heard and what voices are too loud? OR, does your voice match the values and priorities you say you have? If not, why? Does your voice need to be softer? Louder? More certain? Less negative?

Taking a look at a bigger scale, your voice has a role to play in your family, career, community, and world. What is that role? Are you speaking up for yourself and others about what is important to you? The world needs your voice, whether that is a community level, or privately to an individual in need.

You have a voice! How are you using it?

Interested to learn how coaching would work for you? Message Rhoads Life Coaching to sign up for a FREE consultation! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Trust Styles (How We Trust) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Have you ever thought about HOW you trust something? I have written previously about the components of trust. But, did you know there were different trust styles? Robert Fisher created a model for describing them and it is a useful tool in coaching around the topic of trust.

The four trust styles are:

Trust Until – A positive approach of looking for the facts until I see data to prove that I can’t trust you.

Trust Still – A positive approach of believing in something even if there is data that does not support trust.

Suspicious Until – A negative approach where I am reluctant to trust until I see data that supports being able to trust something.

Suspicious Still – A negative approach where I am unable to trust even in the face of data that says I can.

What style do you use? It should depend on the situation, your personal experiences, beliefs, and personality. You likely use all four in some fashion. But do you rely too heavily on one? What styles do your customers and clients use? Your employees and coworkers? Understanding why you (or someone else) is using a specific trust style may help in building trust in that relationship! Which style is your default, and which style do you need to practice developing? Are you using the appropriate style at the appropriate time? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

The Parable of the Driver, Horse, & Carriage – Rhoads Life Coaching

Quebec City gave me the opportunity to tell an old story! There is a parable describing being human in relation to a driver, horse, & carriage. This story is about being human. The driver is our brain and thoughts. The horse is our emotions. The carriage is our body. We have to have our head, heart, and body present and in good working order to be fully human.

In the story the driver wakes up hung over in a tavern and stumbles out into the street to find his horse and carriage in disrepair. He doesn’t remember how all of this happened or how long he has been there. Have you ever had this feeling? How did I get here? How long have I had this problem? Will things ever change?

Each of the three characters has a purpose. They can’t function without the other. Our emotions power us through each day. They are the source of our motivation and willingness. Emotions must be cared for, fed, watered, and bridled to give us the courage to go after our hopes and dreams (don’t interpret “bridled” as “suppressed”!).

If the carriage is not kept in good working order, it won’t carry us throughout the day. Patrons will not hire a carriage that is broken down. If we don’t keep ourselves healthy, it doesn’t matter how driven or intelligent we are. Our bodies are just as important as our minds and emotions.

All three of these centers require health and continuous care to be fully human. The critical part of the story is the driver waking up and taking responsibility for getting all three centers back in working order.

So which part of the story are you in? Are you still passed out, numbed out, mechanical in the tavern? Have you wandered out into the street, wondering how you got into this mess? Have you taken responsibility for your situation, regardless of how you got here? If you are blaming others for your lot in life, you are stuck in the hung over state, waiting for the world to change. It is up to you to get your thoughts, emotions, and body back in working order. Which part(s) need to be developed in you? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

https://youtu.be/HWhUCLVlPjM
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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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The Parable of the Driver, Horse, & Carriage – Rhoads Life Coaching

Quebec City gave me the opportunity to tell an old story! There is a parable describing being human in relation to a driver, horse, & carriage. This story is about being human. The driver is our brain and thoughts. The horse is our emotions. The carriage is our body. We have to have our head, heart, and body present and in good working order to be fully human.

In the story the driver wakes up hung over in a tavern and stumbles out into the street to find his horse and carriage in disrepair. He doesn’t remember how all of this happened or how long he has been there. Have you ever had this feeling? How did I get here? How long have I had this problem? Will things ever change?

Each of the three characters has a purpose. They can’t function without the other. Our emotions power us through each day. They are the source of our motivation and willingness. Emotions must be cared for, fed, watered, and bridled to give us the courage to go after our hopes and dreams (don’t interpret “bridled” as “suppressed”!).

If the carriage is not kept in good working order, it won’t carry us throughout the day. Patrons will not hire a carriage that is broken down. If we don’t keep ourselves healthy, it doesn’t matter how driven or intelligent we are. Our bodies are just as important as our minds and emotions.

All three of these centers require health and continuous care to be fully human. The critical part of the story is the driver waking up and taking responsibility for getting all three centers back in working order.

So which part of the story are you in? Are you still passed out, numbed out, mechanical in the tavern? Have you wandered out into the street, wondering how you got into this mess? Have you taken responsibility for your situation, regardless of how you got here? If you are blaming others for your lot in life, you are stuck in the hung over state, waiting for the world to change. It is up to you to get your thoughts, emotions, and body back in working order. Which part(s) need to be developed in you? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Scales of Perception – Rhoads Life Coaching

We took a break in Quebec City this week! While enjoying the history, sight seeing, and food, I was struck by the number of different scales of perception encountered in one place. By scale of perception I mean our human ability to see the bigger and smaller picture of how we fit into the story. Scales could be time, history, culture, economy, spirituality/religion, etc. There are a lot of different scales to measure and each has the ability to perceive micro to macro levels of significance.

It is possible to experience Quebec City on a historical scale. Millions of people visit each year to review the significance this location has played in Canadian, U.S., and world history. It is also possible to experience Quebec City on an economic scale, cultural scale, ecological scale, religious scale, and on and on. Even the poutine can fit onto a scale of simple, filling bar-food to an elegant, gourmet dish! What struck me in standing in front of the Chateau Frontenac, looking out over the St. Lawrence River, was how many different scales could be perceived at once.

So that got me to thinking, do you pay attention to the scales you live in and on? What scales of perception are around you? More importantly, are you paying attention to them? YOUR PERCEPTION OF SCALE MIGHT INFLUENCE YOUR DECISIONS! The Chateau Frontenac plays a role every day in representing Quebec City, but it has also played significant roles in much higher scales of world history. Your decisions on your scales are doing similar things. What scales are you measuring now in your choices? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life