Worry Worry Worry – Rhoads Life Coaching

How much do you worry? What do you worry about? Do you pay attention to amount of time and energy you put into worrying?

Worry is different from fear in that by worrying we end up right back where we started and nothing has changed. It is the same as rocking in a rocking chair – it is something to pass the time, but not matter how long or fast you rock in that chair, you finish right where you started. Some of us have graduated from the rocking chair to the hamster wheel of worry, and we worry as fast as we can and never go anywhere. This is different from fear as fear motivates us to DO SOMETHING! Fear, whether we like it or not, prompts us to change.

Worry can also be like a slow leak in a tire. It drains our energy and time. Have you ever had a tire on a car or bike that slowly leaks? It isn’t draining fast enough to prevent you from getting through the day, but every once in a while you have to stop and fill it back up. It takes time and energy from other things. Worrying distracts our attention and effort.

So how to stop worrying so much? First is to pay attention to what you worry about. How often do you focus your energy on a particular topic and never do anything about it? By observing what we worry about it is possible to begin to understand the story behind WHY we are worrying about something. By understanding the story it creates the opportunity to change how you approach a concern, or gives you the opportunity to let go of the worry around it. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Worry - Rhoads Life Coaching


finding meaning and purpose in daily life

How Are You Motivated? – Rhoads Life Coaching

HOW you are motivated is different from WHAT motivates you. Are you motivated because you want to do things, or because you have to? The pull or push of that motivation makes a big difference in how we see and experience the world.

Think of the donkey being motivated by wanting the carrot instead of being driven forward with the swing of a stick. Both are effective tools for motivation. There is a dilemma though if we are being pushed (or push ourselves) too much. Using the stick too much in our daily lives has long term negative consequences. The message of “you have to do this.” or “I have to do this.” implies there is no choice given. It requires less effort for the donkey to want to go forward.

We have countless examples of these two forms in our lives – either being drawn towards what we want, or being pushed to do something we would not choose to do. So where do they appear in your life? Take some time and observe over the next few days and weeks which mechanism (pushed or pulled) is being applied as you go through your day. Don’t just apply this to big decisions. Are you being pushed or pulled into obeying traffic laws? Is there a benefit for you in WANTING to be safe with everyone else on the road instead of HAVING to obey the law? Can grocery shopping be something other than a chore?

The intent is to be able to have more ownership and purpose in each task.  This is possible by wanting to be intentional with your daily life instead of being driven forward by the tasks that HAVE to be completed. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

How are you motivated? - Rhoads Life Coaching


finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Inner Talking – Rhoads Life Coaching

We have lots of conversations with ourselves. This inner talking happens all the time, whether we notice it or not. There can be one or two sides of our personality giving commentary, or a multitude of thoughts and comments being thrown around inside each of us as we navigate through the day. Have you ever paid any attention to how you speak to yourself? Why does it matter?

This inner talking is important as it gives a clue as to which internal lens we are seeing the world through. This could have a big impact on how we react! Some of these conversations can be very negative and can have a significant impact on how we address the world.

It is also important to pay attention to how we talk to ourselves as we sometimes treat ourselves much more harshly than we would treat others. Are the conversations you have inside your head helpful or hurtful? Do you blame or shame yourself? Would you speak to your family, friends, or coworkers the same way your Inner Critic speaks to you? If your inner talking is more negative towards you than others then you could be limiting your own potential. If those harsh inner thoughts are being given to others, then you are a source of negativity in your own world.

Ironically, it is that same inner talking that can be part of the solution. By creating positive inner talking you can push back and silence the negative comments! How much do you affirm yourself for the positive things in your life? How much do you affirm all of the hard work and effort that goes into each day?

Be careful with how you speak to yourself! That inner talking has a significant influence on your daily life! – www.rhoadscoaching.com



Inner Talking - Rhoads Life Coaching


finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Energy Sinks and Energy Wells – Rhoads Life Coaching

An energy sink is a place in your life where you have to use energy to be present. An energy well is the opposite, a please where you are recharged by being there or participating.  Just like in a video game, these sinks and energy are distributed through out our lives and we interact with them on a daily basis, sometimes trying to avoid them and sometimes trying to find them.

There are also different types of sinks and wells. We have physical energy, emotional energy, and intellectual energy and it is possible to fuel or drain one or more of these sources without fueling or draining others. Have you ever noticed that after an exhausting week you are able to rally on Friday evening and go out to have fun? That intellectual or physical sink can be recharged with an emotional well!

So our energy levels are complex! It takes stored capacity to do the things that are valuable and important to us. It becomes a subtle science of paying attention to what drains us and what fuels us. The intent is not to only hoard energy, but to create a balance of give and take. It is possible to deplete all of your energy until there is nothing left to give.

There is unique quality to you as a person that your sinks and wells are specific to you. Understanding what they are is important and being able to navigate between giving and taking energy to those around you is critical to your health and well being.

Where do you have to use energy in your life? Where do you have wells to refuel? Pay attention to those sinks and wells and how you treat yourself in terms finding each when you need them. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Energy Sinks and Energy Wells - Rhoads Life Coaching


finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Creating Effort to Avoid Effort- Rhoads Life Coaching

Yogi Berra, in his infinite humor and wisdom, is rumored to have said once after passing the same landmark three times, “We are lost, but we are making good time!” His joke is a perfect example of creating effort in order to avoid effort! How often in life do we refuse to stop and figure out a practical solution to a problem and end up creating a whole new problem by avoiding solution?

If you are honest with yourself, you can think of a recent example where you spent time and energy to do something in order to avoid doing something else. Our children are masters at it when it comes time to eat their vegetables or go to bed. Entire procedures and policies are created by profitable businesses to avoid confronting an unethical or unproductive situation. From a practical standpoint it is possible to overextend ourselves by creating new tasks in order to avoid something else. There is a temporary gain in creating this new effort. In the long run, however, we lose not only the energy and time in completing the new task, but the original problem is still left to be resolved.

The solution starts with self observation. Being able to change starts with realizing that something is being avoided. It is easy to see in small children. Can you see it in yourself? Understanding what is being avoided and why allows for a solution to be tested and a more direct path found.

We are given a limited amount of time and energy each day. We also sometimes make things more difficult for ourselves by creating unnecessary obstacles or paths. Where in your life are you creating effort in order to avoid effort? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Creating Effort - Rhoads Life Coaching


finding meaning and purpose in daily life

The Critic (Critical Self-Talk)- Rhoads Life Coaching

One important aspect of personal growth and development is the ability to recognize that we have lots of different aspects to who we are. One important aspect to watch out for is The Critic.  This negative part of our personality blames, shames, and steals energy and power. He or she gives the running negative commentary while we go through our day and is a pro at endlessly micro-analyzing the tapes of our mistakes and failures after the fact. When you hear yourself saying out loud or saying to some one, “It wasn’t good enough!”, or “I should have known better!”, or “What is wrong with me?” – THAT’S the Critic. This part of you is frequently relentless and can adapt to how it delivers it’s negative message. It can be vicious and sinister!

Another important aspect of The Critic is – you weren’t born with this piece of you. If you find that hard to believe, watch your local preschooler play as they run around in their super-hero cape. They don’t have that critical self-talk built in yet! They have to be taught to believe they aren’t good enough or that they don’t fit in. Critical self-talk is a product of our early growth and development!

This mean you have the ability to change that critical self-talk. If it wasn’t hardwired in you to start, then there is a chance of re-programming that code! It starts with self-observation and trying objectively to observe what your specific Critic is about. Change only comes from being able to see what is going on inside you. You have the ability to take that power back, as The Critic is not who you really are! – www.rhoadscoaching.com


The Critic - The Critic


finding meaning and purpose in daily life 

On Being Stuck – Rhoads Life Coaching

So I’m Stuck – Now What?

In sitting down to write this it occurred to me what an odd word ‘stuck’ is.      SO, being the nerd I am, I looked it up!Stuck

From Google Translation – Stuck, the past tense of ‘stick‘ is an old English or Germanic word derived from ‘sticken‘, which is associated with embroidery. Literally pinned down so it won’t move!

We all get stuck in trying to move through our daily lives. It could be anything – finding a new job, improving a relationship, eating healthier, exercising more, taking a fantastic vacation, setting a goal towards a dream. Anything!  We all have times and aspects of our lives that get bogged down. Where things won’t move or change or improve. It is not fun. Ironically, doing nothing or the same things over and over keep us in the same place. In order to get ‘unstuck’ we have to change what we are doing!

So here are four simple rules to follow when you find yourself stuck:

  1. Do SOMETHING Different!
  2. Don’t STOP!
  3. Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!
  4. Ask for HELP!

Do SOMETHING Different!

Maybe you haven’t realized that you are stuck in a situation. Maybe you haven’t had that epiphany of ‘why isn’t this working? OH, I must be stuck!’. Once that realization dawns on you, the solution is NOT to keep doing what got you Do SOMETHING Differentto this pinned in place! The first step then becomes Do SOMETHING Different! This is usually the toughest part! If you had known you would have ended up bogged down you would have likely done some thing different in the first place. So choosing to do something different requires effort and risk! Do something different could be small, large, high energy, or even coming to a complete stop. Another irony is that sometimes even trying something that might NOT work is better than staying in the current pinned down place. What does doing something different look like in your current dilemma?

Don’t STOP!

Anyone who has ever stranded a car in the snow knows that once the tires take hold, and the car starts to move forward, to NOT STOP driving until the car is out! The same applies for any other stuck situation. Once you get a bit of momentum of change – keep going! Where have you given up on changing a situation when not stopping would have tipped the scales?

Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!

While Do Something is usually the most difficult to start, Losing Control is sometimes the most difficult to achieve. What do I mean by ‘lose control (in a good way)? Why does it matter?

First, the benefit of losing control is that it loosens things up. It takes us out of our comfort zones and creates opportunities that we had not considered. If you don’t turn over the soil in a garden before planting, the likelihood of the seeds thriving decreases dramatically! We often get stuck because we try to control for all variables in a situation. By not letting go of that need to be in control, we limit ourselves.

Second, there are very unhealthy ways to Lose CONTROL! If I want to get rich quick I could cash out my retirement fund and buy a lot of lottery tickets. That would be losing control, but it would NOT be in a good way! So what does losing control in a good way look like? It depends on how you are stuck and what you are holding onto. There is a balancing point. We frequently get into patterns where we live our lives in very predictable ways. It is possible to throw all caution to the wind and give up responsibility to ourselves. Losing control in a good way is not forfeiting ALL of the things you are responsible for. Losing control in a good way could be as simple as not working through a lunch break, giving yourself permission to take a day off, going on a blind date, or trying a new restaurant.

What haven’t you tried recently because you were unwilling to give up control?

Ask for HELP!

It is interesting that while the other steps are more difficult, Asking for HELP is often something we are unwilling to do. Why is that? Maybe we are embarrassed. Maybe we don’t know who to ask. Maybe we want to get all the credit. Ask for Help!But if you haven’t been able to solve the situation on your own up to now, I will refer you back to #1. Frequently someone else has a simpler solution, or is willing to pitch in to try and solve a problem. Back to the car in the snow – it is far easier to have four people push a car out of a snow bank than to continue spinning the wheels. So what internal dilemmas do you have where you are not asking for assistance? Who do you know who might be able to offer an idea or solution? What is preventing you from asking for what you need?

So where in your life are you bogged down? What have you been working to change recently that you have been unable to move? You get to choose! You can keep doing what you are doing, or you can try something different! I hope you are able to get unstuck! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Stuck - Rhoads Life Coacing


finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Recurrence & Getting ‘Unstuck’ – Rhoads Life Coaching

Recurrence is the repeating of events, thoughts, and emotions in our lives. We tend to think of life as a long linear string, but in reality we live our lives in loops of varying lengths and degree. These loops lull us to sleep. The only way to get out of these patterns is to change how we live.

Punxsutawney, PA just celebrated their 132nd Groundhog Day. They have a lot of practice at this recurring tradition! This mile marker on the calendar has become one of my favorite ‘holy-days’ not because of the tradition and predicting (and celebrating) the end of winter, but because of the 1993 movie ‘Groundhog Day’. Harold Ramus and Bill Murray give us a comical example of how recurrence works. It is possible to to get stuck in the loop of doing the same things day after day, week after week, year after year. How often do you say to yourself, ‘Where did the weekend go?’ or ‘I’m just trying to get to Friday’? If we don’t pay attention, nothing ever really changes and we become mechanical in how we live. This mechanicalness drains the meaning and fulfillment out of our lives.

So how does Bill Murray get out of his loop? First he takes ownership of his situation. Something has to be done! He keeps trying things until things start to click. There are setbacks! It is hard to break out of the recurring patterns. He has to change. It is critical to note that the world doesn’t change around him. The change comes from within himself.

Here are four rules to follow for getting ‘unstuck’!

  2. Don’t STOP!
  3. Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!
  4. Ask for HELP!

Where are their recurrences in your life? These could be daily, weekly, monthly, annually. Where are you being mechanical and just going through the motions? What is ONE THING to do different this week to start to break the loop and to create more intention and meaning in how you live? – www.rhoadscoaching.com


Rhoads Life Coaching - Recurrence


finding purpose and meaning in daily life

What Do You Value? – Rhoads Life Coaching

What are your values? Have you ever thought about it? How do you know?

We acquire our values based on our experiences. Even if we didn’t know it while it was happening, we learned what was most important to us as life happened to us.  Our personal values are as unique as our fingerprints.

Values end up being large concepts that are difficult to define. Freedom, independence, integrity, growth, family, love, and honesty are all examples of these large concepts. Check out Jame Clear’s list of 50 core values to find examples. We have trouble seeing them in our lives because they saturate every aspect of how we live.

When we encounter a situation that conflicts with our values, we feel frustrated and out of sync and we often have conflict with other people who have different values from our own. We filter all of our beliefs, thoughts and actions through our values. Take some time to try and define what your values are because there is a benefit to knowing what you value most! – www.rhoadscoaching.com



finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Internal Blocks – Rhoads Life Coaching

Nearly all of our thoughts and behaviors (good or bad) served a purpose at one point. Some of them prevented bad things from happening to us. Some of those preventative internal blocks got left in place and no longer help, and now hinder growth and change.

Say for example, I had multiple events growing up where I was laughed at or teased for being willing to try something new that I had never attempted before. It would make sense if I put a block in place to prevent myself from trying new experiences in order to not be exposed to more teasing and vulnerability. That internal block protected me through the rest of growing up and served a useful purpose. Now as adult, I have forgotten that preventative measure is in place and I am unwilling to ask someone out on a date or look for a new job. What once helped, now hinders my ability to change and grow.

What internal blocks do you carry around with you that no longer help (we ALL have them!)? How do you go about removing them? The first step is self-observation and becoming aware the block is there. From there understanding the purpose of original behavior and what is different now allows for a new choice to be made and the block to be removed. This might take awhile! Change and growth and something better become much more difficult without going through this process. Which internal blocks can you remove? – www.rhoadscoaching.com


Internal Blocks - Rhoads Life Coaching


finding meaning and purpose in daily life