purpose Archives - Page 4 of 10 - Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

July 16, 2018

Essence and Personality – Rhoads Life Coaching

There are two main pieces of being human – our essence and our personality. Almost everything about how we think and act can be sorted into these two categories. Both are intricately woven together to create the person you are. In my coaching practice I have found it useful to describe the relationship between essence and personality as if the two were a peach pit and the fruit of a the peach. Your essence is who you really are at the core. Depending on what you believe about how the universe works, there are higher and lower levels of who you are as a being and this essence is part of those higher levels. The essence has a job of being passed onto the next level.

The fruit of the peach is your personality. It grows and wraps itself around the essence. It’s growth and development is vital to the survival of the pit. The fruit’s job is to nourish the pit. The rub in all of this, however, is that the fruit has to come to some level of understanding that it’s role includes aging, weathering, and letting go. In order for the essence to have room to grow, the personality has to eventually step back.

The relationship between your essence and personality ends up being your relationship with yourself. Ironically, this relationship with yourself is the filter through with your engage the rest of the world around you. Whole religions and philosophies have been developed around describing this relationship. Based on what you believe, developing this relationship with yourself may be your purpose in life.

So what parts of you are your personality? What parts are your essence? How can you tell them apart? Are you developing your essence? What would that look like for you? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

July 8, 2018

What Do You Believe? – Rhoads Life Coaching

What do you believe? I mean this is the broadest terms possible. Have you thought about it recently? What do you believe about how the world works? Are people inherently good or bad? Should we always be afraid? Is it safe to get your hopes up? Does the universe have a higher power that cares about you as an individual? Is there existence beyond this plain of living? Does the Golden Rule apply or is just for suckers?

Why does this matter (another belief system question!)?

I’ve talked about internal lenses before, but it turns out that your belief system is the biggest lens you have. It puts a tone or tinge or EVERYTHING you think and do and feel. It is almost impossible to remove. Thankfully our belief system works just like our bodies and minds – it can be developed! It is possible to have a grade school level belief system (what does that look like?). It is also possible to develop a graduate level philosophy about how the world works (what does THAT look like?)

But back to the “why does this matter?” question – It is important to be aware of your beliefs and it is critical to try and develop them. If you don’t, the world will decide for you. If you let the world dictate what you say and think and do you will default to the lowest common denominator and every aspect of your life will be impacted. The secret in all of this is that our belief system ends up being the mortar that holds the rest of our lives together. We cannot function without it. So it is important to develop your beliefs beyond their current state, just like you would going to the gym or learning a new skill.

So, how do you develop your beliefs? First, you have to observe and understand what they are. Where do they come from? Did you inherit them or pick them up off the street? Do they truly reflect who you are? Did you accept them without testing them? The next step is to test drive what you believe. This means learning about other belief systems to see how they are different. Why do you disagree with someone else’s beliefs? Does your disagreement match your own belief system? Finally, in order to grow you have to try something different. You will not develop by keeping things the same. This is the same as going to the gym. Any routine gets stale after a while.

Take some time and observe yourself. Where did you learn to act and think the way you do? What do your thoughts and actions say about how you believe the world works? Is that what you want? It is important to continue to develop your belief system as EVERYTHING you think feel and do is filtered though it! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

July 2, 2018

Setting Intentions – Rhoads Life Coaching

Frequently we set a vision or goal without setting intentions. Our intention is who we ARE as we complete a task. Have you ever thought about who you want to be as you proceed forward? It is a subtly that has a significant impact on the outcome.

So what does an intention look like? If I have a conflict with a co-worker or friend my goal can be to resolve the conflict, but the intention I take can vary dramatically. Choosing avoidance creates a different result than entering a conversation assuming good will. Choosing to be open minded creates opportunities that choosing to blame doesn’t. Who you ARE in addressing the conflict can have a wide range of options!

By not setting intentions we default to attitudes and beliefs that perpetuate our lives staying the same. If I don’t set my daily intention to choosing gratitude or joy, I may default to seeing the world through a negative lens. The world didn’t change, my intention did!

Intentions can be set for any scale of task or timeline. I can set an intention before I answer a phone call from my supervisor, or I can choose an intention as my New Year’s Resolution to infuse into the whole year. Where can you begin? As with most of the rest of life, it helps to practice! Where in your life can you begin to test setting your intention before you start something? Fixing dinner? Sending a text message? Working out or during a yoga class? A conversation with someone you care about? Try in out and see what changes!

Setting intentions creates purpose in being open to growth and development. It has a great influence on the outcome of how well we engage the world. What is your intention? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

On a side note, this is the end of a year my first year of blog posts! A few years ago I could have never imagined being brave enough to do this.

Thank you to all of you who have followed along! Please keep sharing my videos and posts with those who might be interested in their own growth and development! It is with a deep sense of gratitude and excitement that I can’t wait to see what the next year brings!

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

June 24, 2018

You Are Not Perfect Just the Way You Are – Rhoads Life Coaching

Earlier this week Chris Pratt was given the Generation Award at the 2018 MTV Movie & TV Awards ceremony. In his usual fashion he managed to be deeply philosophical, pragmatic, and goofy in less than four minutes. He is a master at making us think, laugh, and be weirdly uncomfortable all at the same time. What caught my attention in his list of nine steps to living was number nine – “You are not perfect just the way you are.” He argues that you are not finished developing and therefore are not perfect. I completely agree with him.

We insulate ourselves from the need to continue to grow by lying to each other and ourselves when we state we are perfect just the way we are. If it were true we would not need to go to school, we would not struggle with relationships, we would not write books or blogs or create art or plays, we would not blame and shame each other and ourselves. At the root of Chris’ statement is a deeply spiritual and philosophical truth – your purpose is to develop and grow.

We are build as self-aware, self-developing creatures. Most of the major world religions and most of the our secular systems are built to help us reach for a higher potential. There is something inherent in being human about wanting to develop ourselves and each other. We are hard-wired for lifting ourselves up to a higher level. We are designed to keep growing and adapting!

If Chris Pratt is correct (and I believe he is), you are not perfect just the way you are. Your purpose is to continue to develop yourself. You are selling yourself short if you aren’t finding ways to grow in all areas of your life. What are you going to develop next? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

June 18, 2018

How Do You Play? – Rhoads Life Coaching

Play is an important part of being human (regardless of your age). Taking time to get lost in something you enjoy is critical to finding meaning and purpose in our lives. As a culture (and especially as adults) we are terrible at playing. We tend to get so focused on the list of things we want to accomplish and check off the list that we forget to refuel ourselves. Even when we create space to re-create or vacate, we fill our recreation and vacations with endless tasks that are more ‘doing’ than ‘being’.

There are lots of components to what play is, but to critical parts are:

The ability to lose track of time while playing.

And being sad when it has to end.

Have you ever observed a small child on the playground? They get lost in the experience. They could be there for hours without stopping. And how often is that child upset when it is time to go? They were having fun! They were lost in play!

So what about you as an adult? That need still exists. How do you refuel yourself with something play-full? If you are ‘getting things done’ and being productive, you aren’t playing. But the possibilities of being creative and having fun without direction are nearly infinite. By not taking time to play we are making all of the work we do more valuable than who we really are. What is the point of all of the hard work if enjoying life does not become a priority? So where are there opportunities to introduce more play into your life?

Do you know what play is for you? It is worth exploring and creating! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

June 3, 2018

Foreboding Joy – Rhoads Life Coaching

I have a practice of once every year or so revising Brene’ Brown’s Power of Vulnerability. Her research into wholeheartedness aligns closely with my coaching practice and how I try to live my life. THIS time through the phrase foreboding joy caught my attention.

We have all experienced as sense of foreboding. Waiting for the test result to come back. Heading into the meeting for your annual review. Remembering the keys were in the car when you closed the door. Combining foreboding with joy, however creates a dissonance. We WANT to be joyful, right? But how often do we forego joyfulness for the next thing to worry about? When we are wary of being happy or excited we are practicing foreboding joy. This apprehension trades away the joyful moments of our lives.

How do you know if you have foreboding joy? Have you ever brushed away the momentary success of your favorite team believing they still have time to lose? How about waiting to celebrate an event until ALL of the future work is done? Or the situation is completely perfect for celebrating? Have you ever wished things could have been ‘just a little bit better’ even though you accomplished what you set out to do? All of these are examples of foreboding joy. It is pervasive in our culture and lives. We do it ALL the time. It sneaks in an steals opportunities to be joyful in the moment.

The antidote is to practice gratitude and joyfulness in each moment. When something good happens, celebrate it. Look for opportunities to be grateful. Don’t trade celebrating for a future time. Even it being joyful is a small, quick event, take the time to acknowledge that joy!

Where in your life are you fearful of being joyful? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Finding meaning and purpose in daily life

June 3, 2018

Foreboding Joy – Rhoads Life Coaching

Brene’ Brown’s Power of Vulnerability. Her research into wholeheartedness aligns closely with my coaching practice and how I try to live my life. THIS time through the phrase foreboding joy caught my attention. We have all experienced as sense of foreboding. Waiting for the test result to come back. Heading into the meeting for your annual review. Remembering the keys were in the car when you closed the door. Combining foreboding with joy, however creates a dissonance. We WANT to be joyful, right? But how often do we forego joyfulness for the next thing to worry about? When we are wary of being happy or excited we are practicing foreboding joy. This apprehension trades away the joyful moments of our lives. How do you know if you have foreboding joy? Have you ever brushed away the momentary success of your favorite team believing they still have time to lose? How about waiting to celebrate an event until ALL of the future work is done? Or the situation is completely perfect for celebrating? Have you ever wished things could have been ‘just a little bit better’ even though you accomplished what you set out to do? All of these are examples of foreboding joy. It is pervasive in our culture and lives. We do it ALL the time. It sneaks in an steals opportunities to be joyful in the moment. The antidote is to practice gratitude and joyfulness in each moment. When something good happens, celebrate it. Look for opportunities to be grateful. Don’t trade celebrating for a future time. Even it being joyful is a small, quick event, take the time to acknowledge that joy! Where in your life are you fearful of being joyful? – www.rhoadscoaching.com Finding meaning and purpose in daily life ]]>

May 29, 2018

Strengths and Talents – Rhoads Life Coaching

We all have inherent strengths and talents. It is valuable to understand what they are and how they work because they are almost completely unique compared to those around us and they are needed by the world we live in.

Somewhere along the line you inherited or were taught some ability that comes naturally to you (almost without even thinking about it). Some individuals can look at a math problem and know the answer without to complete each step of a calculation. Other individuals have such a sharp attention to detail they are able to immediately see where something is out of place in a room or report. Still others are able to empathize with what others are feeling and are able to convey that empathy with almost no effort. Given the diversity of who we are as humans, our strengths and talents are just as diverse.

So why is it important to understand what our individual strengths and talents are? Given that these are natural abilities, we rely on them all the time (frequently without even thinking about it). Taking some time to understand and explore how we function as individuals allows for a better understanding of how we fit into the world. Trying to complete a task that does not match with my strengths takes more effort and will be less efficient. Hiding the talents I have does not serve the community and world around me. There is a purpose in the abilities we have been given.

Can talents be developed and change? YES! Think back to school. We all developed strengths through the activities we participated in as children and young adults. The ability to develop and enhance talents always exists (we have to remember to keep growing)!

Take some time to explore your natural abilities. One of the tools I recommend is the StrengthsFinder Assessment. It is a simple test you can take online to determine your natural strengths. What are your strengths and talents? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

May 19, 2018

Four Elements of Trust – Rhoads Life Coaching

We sometimes fall in the trap of using trust as a universal tool. If we don’t trust someone with a specific thing, we don’t trust them with anything. This black and white thinking can be detrimental to everyone involved! In order to trust others and be trustworthy it helps to break it into pieces. There are at least four elements of trust.

If I can’t demonstrate that I CARE about your experience or problem, then I am not trustworthy.

If I can’t show that I will keep my WORD about what I say I will do, then I am not trustworthy.

If I don’t have ABILITY to do what I say I will do, then I should not be trusted with that task.

Finally, if I am not CONSISTENT in completing the three criteria above, then I cannot be trusted.

By breaking trust into four elements you can begin to look at how it works. It is entirely possible that someone you don’t trust has two or three of the elements of trust around a specific topic. I may care greatly that your tooth hurts and I am more than willing to keep my word to help you with your tooth ache. But I do not have ability to treat your tooth in a safe way! I may however, have the ability to keep a secret because I care about your privacy, I have kept my word in the past, and I have demonstrated previously that I have the ability to keep my mouth shut on a consistent basis. I have demonstrated that you can trust me with a secret!

How often do we use a blanket trust statement for someone (meaning if I can’t trust them with one thing, then I won’t trust them with anything)? It isn’t that simple. I may not be able to trust you to keep a secret, but I can trust you to give me a ride. We are still able to have a relationship with specific boundaries instead of no relationship at all.

Knowing these elements of trust gives the ability to look at how to repair relationships where trust is broken. Working on building care ability may not be where effort needs to be focused if keeping my word is a problem. Frequently we do not give enough time or space in a relationship to allow consistency to be demonstrated. It is possible to jump back into trust without giving enough time to demonstrate that trust has been restored.

Finally, what do you not trust yourself with? How does the trust model apply? Is it possible to restore trust in yourself by taking a look at the elements?- www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

May 13, 2018

Guilt vs. Shame – Rhoads Life Coaching

Do you know the difference of guilt vs. shame? We feel guilty when we are responsible for something that went wrong. A mistake or an accident. We feel shame when we believe there is something wrong with who we are. Our culture struggles to separate the two.

If I cheated on a test, or caused a car accident, or step on someone’s foot, or use unethical business practices, I am guilty. I am responsible for the damage I cause to a someone else, to an industry, or to myself. All of these things are outside of who I am as a person. They may have been intentional or accidental and if I am help accountable for my actions, I am responsible for making amends and correcting the error. Being guilty or feeling guilty is the mechanism through which we as human beings identify where justice needs to be served in order to repair something that was damaged (even if it is just an apology for stepping on someone’s foot).

If I believe I am worthless or a bad person or an idiot for a mistake I made, then I am feeling shame. Shame is a commentary about being flawed as a human being. We shame others for for who they are, what they believe, and actions they take. We shame ourselves for being inadequate, unworthy, or unlovable. We are not good enough. If I am feeling shame then I am stuck. It is difficult or impossible to be something different than who I am and shame keeps me in that stuck place.

The dilemma is our culture swims in shame. We use is almost universally in addressing conflict with others and ourselves. Guilt and accountability allow us to look at problems that have potential solutions. Shame keeps us stuck and prevents us from resolving conflict. Understanding the difference between the two is critical in creating a healthier environment in resolving conflict (criticism vs. complaint).

Pay attention when you are speaking to yourself and others! The guilt vs. shame statements make a big different! “You should know better!” and “What were you thinking?” are shame. “Ouch that hurt!” and “I didn’t study enough for that test” are guilt. This is such a pervasive problem in how we communicate on the news and on social media and with each other at work and home that ANY reduction in shame will make a difference. The solution to shame is empathy. Being able to understand someone’s perspective without being judgmental. Where are you using shaming statements? What is one step to take to reduce them? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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