The Need To Struggle (The Value of Resistance) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Do you see the value in the need to struggle? Sometimes I wonder if we lose perspective in our desire for life to go easy and well. The need to struggle is valuable in life!

There seems to be an inherent bias in living that requires struggling to grow and develop. We can’t become stronger and more coordinated if there is no resistance back in what we want to do.

Think about that, there is a benefit in young creatures struggling to stand, walk, and run. There is a benefit in struggling to learn the fundamentals of education, or driving a car. We become better at the gym, or in developing our career, when there is resistance back. We become stronger and more capable!

If this is true, then are you able to change your perception of struggle? Instead of seeing our need to struggle and grow as a liability, it is possible to see it as an asset? Suddenly struggling becomes valuable! Taking one step further, what if the resistance we experience in our struggles with finding a better job, or saving money, or maintaining a relationship are something to be joyful about? How would struggle change for you?

Where do you struggle on a daily basis? What is the value for you in wanting that resistance to be part of living? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

What Makes Up the Pieces of Patience? – Rhoads Life Coaching

What makes patience? There is a lot of benefit to understanding the components of how something is defined and works. It makes it easier to understand and develop. Because patience is a skill it can be built and developed. The building pieces then become important!

So what are the pieces that make up patience? This is a working definition for me, so please feel free to add or make suggestions. The elements of patience for me are:

Pause – When I lose my patience I have neglected to stop and look at what is happening around me. By pausing before I react, I give myself the opportunity to change my reaction. For me the first step in being more patient is pausing before I react.

Choice – By pausing I then get to choose. This choice is powerful! If I can choose which path I follow then I am not being forced (even if I don’t want to go that direction). By choosing patience I have power over my person.

Acceptance – This is a big one. By accepting the situation I am in, I automatically create the ability to choose patience. “This is the current dilemma, I choose to be here, I can accept the terms of following this path.”

Reducing negativity – Any time I can reduce negativity I am creating more choices and more acceptance. Negativity erodes patience. Any reduction in negativity helps.

Endurance – “I am willing to endure this” is a powerful statement. I am willing to be patient with traffic, long lines, to save for the vacation or house. “I am willing to wait” embodies patience. What are you willing to endure? And what do you need to endure a little bit more?

So what are you impatient about? What pieces of patience need to be developed in order to make more patience for yourself? What is the benefit for you if you are able to develop this skill and practice more patience? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Compassion For Your Shadow – Rhoads Life Coaching

We all have a dark, negative aspect to our personality that acts like a shadow. Being able to see it in ourselves automatically creates compassion for the shadow side of others.

Think about that for a minute. Do you agree that we each have really negative parts to who we are? It is really easy to deny that it is there. Just like our real life shadow though, it is impossible to have the light shine on us without creating insecurities, fears, and parts of our personality that are violent, destructive, dangerous and toxic.

Do not hear that I am advocating for letting these shadowing parts out to run around loose! They can hurt others and ourselves!

My point today is that this shadow part of our personality exists, whether we admit it or not. Acknowledging it is there is powerful because it creates the opportunity to have some compassion for ourselves in admitting that we spend a lot of time wrestling with these negative parts.

We all have a dark, negative aspect to our personality that acts like a shadow. Being able to see it in ourselves automatically creates compassion for the shadow side of others.

Where does your shadow come out in your life? What is its backstory? If you can see your shadow, can you see the shadow of others? What will it take to have some compassion for others who are wrestling with their shadows? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Third Anniversary! – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Third Anniversary - Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC just completed its third year! – August is my third anniversary!

It is very important to me to pause for a moment to say thank you to the friends, family, partners, clients, and connections for all of the support and encouragement. What started as a part time project has already grown into a full time business. It continues to develop and evolve and expand. I have plans of future growth and development and all of this possible because of you.

Third Anniversary - Rhoads Life Coaching

I am excited to see where this path leads next! I hope you will continue to follow along to see what happens in the next year!

For now though, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your investment, encouragement, enthusiasm and support! –

Sincerely, John

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Sanctuary (Finding a Refuge) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Webster’s dictionary defines a sanctuary as a consecrated place, or a safe place of refuge. We tend to think of of a sanctuary first as a room in a religious building. While that may be true, it isn’t limited to just a religious definition. Where is your sanctuary?

We each have places that are safe, a refuge, and our own version of consecrated or holy. They are places to regroup and recharge. It could be in a church, or out in the woods, on a boat in the middle of a lake, a workbench in the garage, or under a tree on a hot day. For the most part they are still and quiet places (even extroverts need to have a quiet place once in a while). It turns out we need these places. Not as a place to stay for prolonged periods of time, but as a safe base to re-call, re-collect, and re-fuel.

I was struck this week by being filled back up spiritually and emotionally by sitting still in a sanctuary. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it. How do you know when you need your sanctuary? What are your symptoms indicating you need to find a sanctuary? How will you know which of your needs are met by going? What are you losing by not having a place of safety and refuge? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Getting Started (Creating Momentum) – Rhoads LifeCoaching

Have you ever noticed how sometimes it is difficult getting started? Not just with big projects, but in nearly all aspects of our lives. Why is that?

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m bit of a science nerd (visiting the forested wetland at Gilmore Ponds for this video was really cool!). But, Newton’s First Law of Motion states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless an outside force is acted upon it. The corollary to this is the initial effort to start an object moving is greater than the effort to keep an object moving (creating momentum). It turns out this doesn’t just apply to apples or rockets or automobiles. In a way, it applies to all aspects of our lives.

You can create intellectual momentum. Frequently getting started on homework is the hardest part! You can create emotional momentum. Tough conversations are easier once they are going.

For a lot of us though that getting started part is much more difficult that once the momentum is created. How does that show up for you? What aspects of your life (big and small) do you find that initial hurdle of getting started? Are there things that you really want to do but have never achieved because that initial effort was too great?

For me (and when I am coaching), the motivation and then accountability of getting started becomes a big factor in creating the things we want for ourselves. Finding that vision of how things will be once you are going, and then creating that initial burst of energy and effort to get over that first hurdle of getting started, makes growth and development much easier on the other side. –

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Finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Introvert vs Extrovert – Rhoads Life Coaching

How do you define the difference between whether a person is an introvert vs extrovert? Do you use a binary system of either being one or the other? Have you ever limited yourself as being too introverted to attempt to show up in the world publicly? Or too extroverted to connect with someone at the personal level?

A black and white definition of introvert vs extrovert limits our ability for personal and professional development. An alternative hypothesis is that being an introvert or extrovert is like moving up and down the spectrum of color. We have the ability move up and down the spectrum and step into varying levels of connection.

The ability to choose something other than your default of introvert or extrovert is a skill that can be developed just like any other. The ability to grow comes from viewing this spectrum like a battery. Just like your cell phone or laptop charge, it takes energy for introverts to be more extroverted. The same is true for extroverts to be more introverted. Introverts recharge by finding solitude and quiet space and time. Extroverts recharge by connecting with others in high energy places.

What is in it for you to step out of your comfort zone and be more introverted or extroverted? What opportunities are you missing by playing small, or by not focusing on the details? Take some time to figure out how to appear different in the world. Then, how to recover from stepping out of your comfort zone?

Interested to learn how coaching would work for you? Message Rhoads Life Coaching to sign up for a FREE consultation! –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

How Do You Use Your Voice? – Rhoads Life Coaching

In recent coaching conversations, I have encouraged individuals to speak up for themselves or others when a conflict is not being resolved or values are not being met. That has me thinking this week… how do you use your voice?

If we think of each of the many roles we play on a daily basis as each being able to speak, then we have as many voices as we do roles. Sometimes those voices don’t speak up, aren’t heard, or are trampling over other voices both internally and externally.

It is critically important to be able to observe ourselves in how we treat ourselves and act around others. In a world where it is so easy to sound off on social media, what voices are not being heard and what voices are too loud? OR, does your voice match the values and priorities you say you have? If not, why? Does your voice need to be softer? Louder? More certain? Less negative?

Taking a look at a bigger scale, your voice has a role to play in your family, career, community, and world. What is that role? Are you speaking up for yourself and others about what is important to you? The world needs your voice, whether that is a community level, or privately to an individual in need.

You have a voice! How are you using it?

Interested to learn how coaching would work for you? Message Rhoads Life Coaching to sign up for a FREE consultation! –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Trust Styles (How We Trust) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Have you ever thought about HOW you trust something? I have written previously about the components of trust. But, did you know there were different trust styles? Robert Fisher created a model for describing them and it is a useful tool in coaching around the topic of trust.

The four trust styles are:

Trust Until – A positive approach of looking for the facts until I see data to prove that I can’t trust you.

Trust Still – A positive approach of believing in something even if there is data that does not support trust.

Suspicious Until – A negative approach where I am reluctant to trust until I see data that supports being able to trust something.

Suspicious Still – A negative approach where I am unable to trust even in the face of data that says I can.

What style do you use? It should depend on the situation, your personal experiences, beliefs, and personality. You likely use all four in some fashion. But do you rely too heavily on one? What styles do your customers and clients use? Your employees and coworkers? Understanding why you (or someone else) is using a specific trust style may help in building trust in that relationship! Which style is your default, and which style do you need to practice developing? Are you using the appropriate style at the appropriate time? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

The Parable of the Driver, Horse, & Carriage – Rhoads Life Coaching

Quebec City gave me the opportunity to tell an old story! There is a parable describing being human in relation to a driver, horse, & carriage. This story is about being human. The driver is our brain and thoughts. The horse is our emotions. The carriage is our body. We have to have our head, heart, and body present and in good working order to be fully human.

In the story the driver wakes up hung over in a tavern and stumbles out into the street to find his horse and carriage in disrepair. He doesn’t remember how all of this happened or how long he has been there. Have you ever had this feeling? How did I get here? How long have I had this problem? Will things ever change?

Each of the three characters has a purpose. They can’t function without the other. Our emotions power us through each day. They are the source of our motivation and willingness. Emotions must be cared for, fed, watered, and bridled to give us the courage to go after our hopes and dreams (don’t interpret “bridled” as “suppressed”!).

If the carriage is not kept in good working order, it won’t carry us throughout the day. Patrons will not hire a carriage that is broken down. If we don’t keep ourselves healthy, it doesn’t matter how driven or intelligent we are. Our bodies are just as important as our minds and emotions.

All three of these centers require health and continuous care to be fully human. The critical part of the story is the driver waking up and taking responsibility for getting all three centers back in working order.

So which part of the story are you in? Are you still passed out, numbed out, mechanical in the tavern? Have you wandered out into the street, wondering how you got into this mess? Have you taken responsibility for your situation, regardless of how you got here? If you are blaming others for your lot in life, you are stuck in the hung over state, waiting for the world to change. It is up to you to get your thoughts, emotions, and body back in working order. Which part(s) need to be developed in you? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life