Brene Brown says we are hard-wired for connection. It is part of our purpose to be connected to others and the world. By not connecting to those around us we are not fulfilling our purpose. In our current environment, how are you staying connected?
Sometimes we get so focused on the next project, or the current crisis, we lose sight of the big picture, which can make things worse. The key to long term growth and development is a whole person approach to living.
There is an old parable describing being human in relation to a driver, horse, & carriage. We have to have our head, heart, and body present in good working order to be fully human. Which part(s) need to be developed in you?
What’s your favorite movie? Better yet, WHY is it your favorite? The answer says a lot about who you are. It can be used as a mirror to learn more about yourself and to continue to develop who you are becoming.
I’ve written in the past about Owning Your Story and the idea of a Psychological Mirror. The question of your favorite movie combines these two ideas into an introspective look at how you see yourself. Have you taken the time to ask yourself WHY you enjoy your favorite movie so much?
Is it the hero/heroine you resonate with? Do the cast of characters relate to each other in a way that means something to you? Can you see your own story in the plot? Every movie has a conflict. Something happens and the characters must develop in order to overcome obstacles. We see ourselves in their struggles!
So how is this a useful tool for you? By paying attention to what we like and dislike in our favorite movies we understand more about ourselves. This understanding offers an opportunity to do something different in our own lives.
If I can see myself in the character on the screen, then a piece of the character also exists in me. What if you empowered that character inside you to lead you into your next adventure? How would you appear different in the world? – www.rhoadscoaching.thinkific.com
I’m a little late to the game. I recently discovered Malcom Gladwell’s podcast, “Revisionist History“. In Season 4 he spends three episodes re-discovering the Jesuit decision making tool of casuistry.
As a methods of moral decision making, casuistry was misused in the 18th and 19th centuries by rationalizing and excusing any behavior. That is not my intent (nor was it Gladwell’s) in bringing it forward today. It was originally developed as a way of seeing the individual and their problems in a novel dilemma.
Casuistry asks for a pause and a drilling down into the details of a problem. It is intended for use in circumstances that haven’t been experienced before. First, stop and investigate the details before applying a broad principle to a decision. It asks for a “decent into the particulars”. Something we don’t do very often in our fast-paced lives.
Most importantly casuistry asks us to listen to the details “free of disordered detachments”; without preconceived biases. What would it take for you to listen in our current environment without bias? Maybe that is part of the problem!
Finally, casuistry looks for previous examples that compare to the current new scenario in order to assist with making a decision. The request is for the decision to take into account the combined information.
My request is to consider using casuistry as a tool. Where are you applying broad principles and skipping over the details? Where are you entering into a conversation with your biases front and center? Given some of the new challenges we face in our families, businesses, and communities right now, it might be worth a try. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
We swim in a culture of comparison. It is so much a part of who we are we don’t even know we are doing it. It is like the air we breath. In order to know where we are in terms of our identity and success, we automatically compare ourselves to those around us. It is how we calibrate.
This comparison is a trap. Either we compare ourselves to those who are less than us in order to feel better. Or we compare ourselves to our idealized version of whatever it is we are trying to measure. Note that I didn’t say, compare ourselves to those better than us. Comparison can be healthy in terms of competition, but rarely do we ever compare ourselves to someone at our own level where it is possible to complete. We compare ourselves to the imagined best. And we end up being “never enough”.
So where do you compare yourself to others? It might be easier to list where you don’t compare. Is it the better job? Or size of house? The marriage/relationship? Their hair? Where they went to school? The team they root for?
The trap in our comparison culture is that it spirals out of control into judgement. ANYTHING you can do to reduce comparison to others is an automatic decrease in stress, envy, jealousy, and conflict. Where is the easiest place for your to start? – www.rhoadscoaching.thinkific.com
Do you think of conceptualization as a tool or skill? For that matter what IS conceptualization? We use it all the time, whether we know it or not. It is the ability to see what we want and how to go about getting it. It can apply to any aspect of your life.
We teach young athletes to visualize the skill they are trying to master as if it was happening. See the ball go in the basket. Watch yourself catch the ball. It helps the athlete to visualize what they have to do and the sensation of completing the task. It can be empowering and a powerful focusing tool.
Just like any other skill, it can be developed, There are different levels of conceptualization. It works at a very simple level, like completing a phone conversation; or at a very complex level of developing plans for a building or a business.
Why isn’t this skill transferred to our professional and personal lives? What would happen if were to see conceptualization as a tool at your disposal when you need it? How would your confidence, preparation, and follow-through change? Where are you not using as a skill?
Try being more intentional with your conceptualization of visualizing not only the how of completing a task or doing a difficult thing. Where is the best place to start practicing? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
We live in a culture of not having enough. We have created a scarcity mindset that is separate from not having enough. This mindset creates anxiety that saturates everything we do.
Brene Brown coins the term “scarcity mindset” in her book, “Daring Greatly“. In our culture of abundance, this scarcity is different. It is a belief that we don’t have (and won’t have) enough. The example is that starving from lack of food is different that believing we will starve. The belief creates a different kind of anxiety and fear. It exists separate from actually going hungry. When this belief takes hold we tend to hoard things and hold onto them. We worry about losing our stuff.
I would argue that we have so much of this mindset in our lives that we hardly even realize it is there (the fish doesn’t notice he is swimming in the water). We constantly don’t feel that we have enough money, time, happiness, love, good looks, rest, toilet paper, freedom, recreation, friendship, recognition, stuff, etc. The scarcity mindset is so woven into our personal and professional lives we have no concept of how much anxiety it creates.
Where do you have the mindset of never being enough? How does this scarcity mindset change how you see the world? What would your life look like if you were able to be free of the fear the things you want running out? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Ever find yourself believing you can get more done by packing more into each day? At some point the scale tips and the productivity and fulfillment drop off. It’s kind of like trying to put 10 pounds of stuff in an 5-pound bag.
This is a funny image for me. It conjures Lucille Ball stuffing chocolates in her mouth as they come down the conveyor belt, or the frantic, fruitless task of trying to stuff a sleeping bag in a nylon bag. There is some humor in it, until we look at the fact that for some of us we live our daily lives this way. Each day becomes a futile effort to do more than is humanly possible. Maybe the humor helps to take some of the edge off.
Don’t get me wrong. I whole-heartedly believe we should be productive. But where did we tip the scales from being productive to being so busy that we lose the meaning and fulfillment of what we are trying to accomplish? Hopefully one of the silver linings of our recent stay at home lockdowns will be to see that we were pushing the limits on what we tried to complete each day.
Where does this appear for you? Your to-do list? The number of events scheduled in a day? Trying to fit one more chore in before heading out the door or going to bed each night? We each have our own version of this. The clue it is there when the pace is not longer sustainable. What is your version of this game?
The antidote? Slow down! Take some time to determine what is valuable and an important to you so you are better able to prioritize what you choose to do with your time. Practice saying NO to a few things. Finally, take a step back and look at the humor created with trying to cram the ten pounds of scheduled things you want to do into a five pound bag for each day. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Our Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) creates a variety of consequences. Where are you spreading yourself too thin from the anxiety that you won’t be as fulfilled as those around you?
Three times this week FOMO came up in coaching conversations. It seems we have a lot of anxiety that we will miss something! In our social media world and in a culture that moves to pack more events into a calendar than is humanly possible, we fear we will miss something and not measure up.
My bet is that ALL of us have some level of this anxiety. Where does it show up for you? Not being able to say no to a request? Scheduling event after event until there is too much to do? Comparing yourself to the highlight reel of social media posts? Trying to keep up with the Joneses?
In our fear we worry we will not be enough. We won’t measure up. There will be something wrong with us if we miss an event. Or that every event might be a life changing experience. All of these fears end up being about how we perceive ourselves and the stories we tell about who we believe we are. Ironically, the fear of missing out is about our relationship to ourselves, not the events we might miss.
The antidote to FOMO? SLOW DOWN! Take a few deep breaths. Take a break from social media. Create white space in your week to not have a meeting or event (what a radical idea!). Most of all, don’t compare yourself to others. The person you are comparing yourself to is just as insecure about missing out as you. It is the insecurity that keeps this hamster wheel spinning. By being comfortable with who you are as an individual, you are able to choose what you do and where you go. By being more than enough for yourself, there is no need to fear missing out. – www.rhoadscoaching.com