Defining Yourself By The Past – Rhoads Life Coaching

How do you define yourself? That’s a big question. Take a minute and think about it. I would be wiling to bet you are defining the majority of who you are by the past.

Think about that for a minute. Is there any understanding of who you are that isn’t based on past experiences? My ancestors come from this country. I graduated from this school. I worked for this company. These are the certifications I hold. This is how long I’ve been married. My children are this old. I have had this many bad break ups.

For most of us we define our current state based on our past experiences. This leaves out a critical undefined value of your future self! There is a piece of you that hasn’t happened yet. Your future self has just as much value as your past self. Why do you leave your future value out of the definition of who you are?

From a practical standpoint it makes sense that using past examples to define who we are is more concrete (it’s easier) than using the vague future. We all have some form of a future though. Your future has a reason and purpose. Because it has a purpose, it has value.

My challenge to you is to include some version of that future value in your definition of who you are. You have a role to play in a career. You are needed in relationships. Your community needs you to participate.

Don’t limit your value by defining yourself by the past only! –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Isolation vs. Solitude – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

What is the difference between isolation vs. solitude? Both involve being alone. What if the intention behind each changes how you use them?

While the dictionary definitions of each are similar, I would argue that they have subtlety different meaning. That difference, for me, comes down to intent.

When I feel isolated there is a sense of it being something I don’t really want. It is imposed (either by self or someone else). It isn’t always a bad thing, but isolation is a restricting thing. Something reducing freedom and choice.

Solitude on the other hand feels like something I do want and is something I get to choose. There is a sense of freedom and I have control over when it begins and ends. It is something I willingly move towards when I need it.

Do you make this distinction for yourself? Are you able to compare isolation vs. solitude for yourself and others? Where do the two appear in your life? My request is to look for both as you go through your day. Where does isolation appear and where can it be changed to solitude? What are the benefits and liabilities for each? My bet is you will find more fulfillment and purpose in choosing solitude when given the opportunity and more accepting in isolation when needed. –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Trust Styles (How We Trust) – Rhoads Life Coaching

Have you ever thought about HOW you trust something? I have written previously about the components of trust. But, did you know there were different trust styles? Robert Fisher created a model for describing them and it is a useful tool in coaching around the topic of trust.

The four trust styles are:

Trust Until – A positive approach of looking for the facts until I see data to prove that I can’t trust you.

Trust Still – A positive approach of believing in something even if there is data that does not support trust.

Suspicious Until – A negative approach where I am reluctant to trust until I see data that supports being able to trust something.

Suspicious Still – A negative approach where I am unable to trust even in the face of data that says I can.

What style do you use? It should depend on the situation, your personal experiences, beliefs, and personality. You likely use all four in some fashion. But do you rely too heavily on one? What styles do your customers and clients use? Your employees and coworkers? Understanding why you (or someone else) is using a specific trust style may help in building trust in that relationship! Which style is your default, and which style do you need to practice developing? Are you using the appropriate style at the appropriate time? –

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life