It takes time, energy, and effort to keep track of what we believe we are owed. This applies to relationships as well as money and time. What we don’t realize is it takes a toll on us in keeping accounts. What are the emotional and relational accounts you can let go?
In watching the recent debates, I’ve noticed the candidates talking past each other. They don’t listen to the other or answer the questions. How often do we do that in our own lives?
Just like the presidential debate, these two candidates are a mirror for how we treat each other on a daily basis. In the debate they created a loop that didn’t resolve. Both sides were questioned; then talked about something else. They weren’t listening to each other. They would simply keep talking in order to try and overpower whomever they were speaking to. Nothing was solved. We walked away from that debate with no solutions, or even answers. Sound familiar?
This is happening to us a lot. You can tell because we are all worn out from trying to resolve it for ourselves. Want to make some changes?
Always start with yourself. How much am I contributing to the problem?
Are you talking specifically to the person in front of you, or to some absent group?
Am I pausing and listening to what the person says, or am I just trying to win?
Are you thinking about what you want to say?
Did they hear me? How would you know if they didn’t?
Do I need to ask for the other person to pause and listen to what I say?
Are they listening?
Am I answering the questions being asked?
Is the other person answering the questions being asked?
Do we need to stop and find an answer before moving on?
This is an extremely difficult endeavor. Partly because we don’t have complete control over it. If we are unable to reduce how much we talk past someone, we will stay stuck in this loop of not resolving conflict. It starts with you. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Where do you want to end up? Whether it is planning a vacation, or developing a career path, or creating a lasting relationship, if you do not set a vision of where you want to end up you likely will never get there! What vision do you need to set for your life?
I’ve posted previously about how we have different internal centers (intellectual, emotional, physical). Because these centers each function in unique ways we can also have different kinds of tired.
How well do you observe fatigue in each center? Remember being intellectually exhausted after finals in high school? Remember being emotionally worn out from fear or sadness? How are those two things different than being physically tired? What if two of the centers are tired, but not three? Could you tell the difference?
Because these centers fatigue differently, they also rest differently. Using your go-to resting method may only refuel you physically, but not emotionally or intellectually. If you are able to sort out the different kinds of tired, how would you best rest each center?
The answers may be unique you. The practice though is we all have these different engines that run inside of us. They are there for different reasons and use different fuels to recharge in different ways. Being able to recognize the differences creates the opportunity to rest those centers as needed. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Was it painful to watch the presidential debate? These are the individuals who represent all of us. Our great debate isn’t about winning political battles, it is how we are going to treat each other. For anything to change we have to take responsibility for changing ourselves first.
I would be impressed if you did not know anything about the first presidential debate of 2020. It was painful to watch and read about. These are the individuals who represent all of us. Our great debate, however, isn’t about winning political battles, it is how we are going to treat each other.
I know individuals that only made it a few minutes into the 90-minute debate before having to turn it off and walk away. A week later I know folks who are still struggling to reconcile how unsettling it was to watch. It seems we had a common experience of anger, disgust, fear, and sadness in being subjected to what was likely an inevitable outcome.
Why was it inevitable? Our political candidates are a reflection of who we are as a country. They end up being a mirror for us as individuals. Ironically the concentration of the dissonance in that 90-minute conversation says more about you and me than it does the candidates themselves.
If possible, set aside the political content of the debate and just look at how the candidates treated each other. This is happening in nearly every corner of the country. It saturates our social media. It is difficult to remove it from nearly any conversation. Again, how these two men treated each other is a reflection of how we are treating each other.
If that is true, then change has to start with each individual before those chosen to represent us can change. Do you want the election to be different? Would you like for the country to be different? Then use the debate as the template of what needs to change inside of you.
Do you interrupt before someone is finished speaking?
Are you pausing to listening to the person speaking and hear what they are saying?
Do you look for a sarcastic reply to questions, or are you actually trying to answer the questions given to you?
Is your negativity clouding your ability to see the person next to you?
Do you vent on social media instead of trying to solve actual problems?
We are all doing this to some extent (even by pretending these problems don’t exist). Given how painful it was to see ourselves reflected in the “great” debate this past week, our leadership needs guidance on what to represent. For anything to change we have to take responsibility for changing ourselves first. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
What are your values? Have you ever thought about it? Our personal values are as unique as our fingerprints. We filter all of our beliefs, thoughts and actions through them. There is a benefit to knowing what you value most!