Liminal Space (The Space Between) – Rhoads Life Coaching

The internal experience of the space between our old way of doing things and the yet-to-be-created new way of living is called Liminal Space.

This idea popped up several times for me over the last few weeks. Richard Rohr was able to put the term Liminal Space to it in one of his recent posts. The term itself helps me, as it makes very real the feeling of being in-between. It is important to differentiate that Liminal Space is an internal experience. The thoughts, emotions, and sensations of each person as we transition from one thing to the next.

We have all been in discomfort of these spaces before. The awkwardness of starting a new job. The anxiety of losing a job. The fear of moving to a new place. The worry of finishing school. The loss in the death of a loved one. Liminal spaces are uncomfortable.

Rarely, though, do we get to experience such a prolonged transition at a global scale. Our current pandemic has pushed us into a transition and toward something not yet defined. We are unable to go back. We must go forward and build something new. Collectively it is difficult to sit in this space of in-between.

The benefit of liminal space? You have the ability to influence your internal world more than uncertainty of the external world. How to do that?

First is accepting that you are in transition. Coming to terms with this discomfort is the best way to change it. Second, you are not alone. Whether it looks like it not, everyone around you is going through the same change. We are all coping the best we can. Third, set an intention. Who do you want to be as you navigate this change? Finally, where do you want to end up? Set a goal for your internal world. Where you would like to be mentally and emotionally at the end of this change? Create a target to shoot toward. You have the ability to grow through these spaces. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Random Dance Party Challenge – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

How do you break the tension? How do you shake off the stress of the day? One way is to have a random dance party!

In playing a game with my daughter last week, I was struck how often Disney characters dance. I would have to think for a minute to name an animated Disney film that DOESN’T have dancing. It seems Walt was trying to send a message. Maybe cutting loose and dancing is an important thing!

So, what IS a random dance party? First, it would have to be completely unplanned and unscripted. You can’t PRACTICE for a random dance party, you just have to go for it! Where would you HAVE a random dance party? I’ve seen them on the side of the road, in the basement, in the hall. You get to pick! How long do they last? You tell me! One song will do. Depends on the song!

That got me thinking. Why don’t we cut loose? We are in the middle of a lot of serious stuff and most of us are stiff with tension of holding on to the next thing. The cumulative effect is that we are wore out and sore from day after day of holding tight. What if dancing was an easy way to loosen up?

What gets in the way of this silliness? Mostly the idea that it is silly. Our belief that we aren’t allowed to cut loose and shake off the stress for a minute. Need help getting over yourself? ASK YOUR KIDS FOR HELP! They will know exactly what to do!

So, I’m offering a challenge. Have a random dance party this week. I dare you to give yourself a break and have one! Include your kids or your partner. I dare you to post in on social media. Challenge your friends. What song will you pick? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

It’s Just You (Don’t Be Afraid) – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Sometimes we scare ourselves into thinking the thoughts & emotions we have are too terrifying to examine. In reality the unknown things about ourselves are still just us. At the end of the day, it’s just you – there is no need to be afraid.

Do you remember as a small child standing at the top of the stairs (or running back up the stairs) to the basement? We were able to imagine something truly terrifying about the unknown darkness of the basement. The same could be said for the monster under the bed, or whatever demon lived in your closet.

The reality was (and is) that none of those monsters ever existed. It was all our imagined fear. We created a story that didn’t match anything close to reality.

My experience in coaching suggests we tend to do a similar thing now as adults in examining our internal selves. It is easy to create a story that the fear or anger or sadness we hold inside is SO overwhelming. We find it easier to just be afraid & not look down into the basements or closets of who we are.

It has also been my experience that for most of us, once we turn some internal lights on & look under our internal beds, the things we are afraid of most inside aren’t really that scary. Just like the monster in the closet, it is your imagine creating the fear. All that is inside of you is just a place you don’t know much about, it’s still just you.

My ask is to consider the possibility you have nothing to fear about what goes on inside of you. Your thoughts, emotions, & sensations are what make you a human being. Shedding some light on those shadowy places offers the opportunity to relieve some fear. It offers the opportunity to find valuable things that may have been stored deep inside you (including the racketball racket lost behind the furnace). – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

We Are All (Still) Connected – Rhoads Life Coaching

I have posted in the past that we are all connected. Now more than ever, whether we like it or not, we can see how intricately connected we are to everyone else around us.

In the last month we have witnessed the depth of connection we have to nearly every other person on the planet. What someone does on the other side of the world has an impact on me personally. My choices, down to the simplest decisions of whether to go out to the store, or wash my hands, have an impact on nearly everyone around me. The data is very real. We ARE all connected to each other.

What do you believe about that connection? Does it bring you hope to witness individuals rallying to the aid of others? Does it terrify you how vulnerable we are? It is painful to watch the cascading unintended impacts? This connection influences everything you think, feel, and do. Have you taken time to examine your own beliefs about it?

You reaction, however, is about you. How do you choose to react? What do you believe? Because you ARE connected to everyone around you (even if you don’t leave your home). Because of that connection you have a role to play. Even if your role is to stay in place and reduce the risk of yourself and others, IT IS AN IMPORTANT ROLE!

Are you being called to reach out to others to check in? Is there a need for you to assist in other ways? My ask is for you to take some time this week and look at your own beliefs. If there was ever any doubt, please look at the evidence – we are all still connected. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Resilience and Grit – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Resilience is the ability to be flexible and endure. Grit is the ability to push through with resolve. They both have levels of development. We need to work on increasing our resilience and grit.

One of the themes of my coaching (and personal philosophy) is that EVERY aspect of your life has levels of growth and development. You weren’t always great at walking. You had to learn higher levels of walking skills.

If that is true (prove me wrong), then resilience and grit are also skills to develop.

How do you understand what resilience is? Where does it show up in your life? Clearly you have had to endure and be flexible to make it this far in life! What is the next higher level for you? Do you need to be more patient? Better self-care? What habits need to be added? Which ones dropped?

What about grit? What is it for you? To be clear, grit is not a lack of compassion or kindness. It is a toughness that comes from deciding to go through with something. You have demonstrated grit before. It is time to do it again in a more determined way!

There is clearly a lot going. There will be more stress and uncertainty going forward. You have been given tools to help you through tough times. Now is the time to use them! How are you going to develop your ability to use your resilience and grit?- www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Lenses For Our Memories – Rhoads Life Coaching

Our memories can be modified. We remember some things better than they were and some things worse. Our internal lenses, our beliefs, emotions, values, shift our memories just like they shift our external perceptions. We have lenses for our memories.

In reading about memories recently, it had not occurred to me that our memories look different based on what lens we look through. Given that, our memories are flexible and dynamic, just like our perception of the present. Remember the little girl, Riley, in the Pixar Movie “Inside Out”? Toward the end of the movie her base memories change depending on whether she looks at them with Sadness, Joy, or Fear.

It was helpful to have this demonstrated to me this week watching a video on social media. A grocery employee was asked on camera if he had ever seen the run on groceries so bad. He was rolling out the next pallet of toilet paper and his unruffled response, “Y2K was this bad,” jarred the lenses from my memories. I really needed that jolt. Thank you to whoever that was and thank you for keeping us fed and supplied!

So, if our memories work just like our present perception, and our lenses of emotions, values, and beliefs have an impact on how we remember specific things, why do you care? Maybe it is worth developing the skills of observing your lenses and practicing shifting what you see in your memories!

What past events were worse than you remember them? What past events were better than your memory? If we base most of our definition of ourselves on past experiences then our skewed lenses have a BIG impact on how we define our present!

Pay attention to how you view both your present and past! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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Finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Asking Open-Ended Questions – Rhoads Life Coaching

Developing the ability to ask open-ended questions (a cornerstone to coaching), creates the opportunity for more powerful and meaningful conversations.

Part of the training and certification to become a coach is the development of the ability to ask open-ended questions. The International Coach Federation makes it part of their assessment and certification process.

So why do you care? Only asking close-ended questions limits communicating with coworkers, clients, family, and friends. How do you tell the difference? Close-ended questions only offer binary answers (yes or no). Then lead or have an agenda.

“Did you do your homework?”

“Was the project completed?”

There are appropriate times to ask close-ended, yes or no, questions, but the amount of information is constricted. The question above doesn’t offer the opportunity to volunteer that the project wasn’t completed on time and was over-budget. Or that the homework is complete, but incorrect. Asking a closed-ended questions limits the ability to find more detailed answers.

In contrast, open-ended questions allow the person responding the opportunity to provide information they believe to be important. It also creates the chance to find answers that would not have been addressed.

“How would we know an open-ended question if we saw one?” – Is an open-ended question.

One of my favorites: To the response “I don’t know” is the question, “If you did know the answer, what would it be?”

Just like any other skill, asking open-ended questions can be developed. The more developed the ability, the more powerful the skill. Take some time practicing (it isn’t the easiest thing to learn) and see it makes a difference in how your conversations go. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life