Has anyone ever asked you to ‘Trust The Process’? What was your reaction?What is embedded in that statement?
First, there IS a process. A sequence of events is developing around you even if it looks chaotic. It implies a mindset that your life has something bigger going on that you can’t see. The internal resolution that whatever decision you need to make, or conflict you are in, has a solution out beyond where you are currently standing. How often do you get bogged down in the details of your daily life and forget there is a bigger plan playing out around you?
Second, you have the ability to trust. I’ve talked before about what trust is and how it works. Understanding that for yourself creates a willingness to let things play out. Having faith to see what comes next. An attitude that you are willing to let go of a bit of control to find a solution you don’t have yet.
The ability to trust the process occurs at many many levels in our lives. It can be applied personally to your own story (do I need to change jobs?), corporately to our community story (when will it be my turn for the vaccine?), and universally to The Story (where is god leading us?).
Which levels in your own life could use 10% more of trusting the process? How would you appear differently in the world if you allowed the process to unfold without knowing the outcome? Where do you need to start? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
It is sometimes the simplest ideas that are the most profound. The idea that “businesses do not exist to make money” seems simple. Not paying attention to it, however, has significant (and very complicated) consequences.
Has this thought ever crossed your mind? Did you immediately disagree when you read it? Is it a thought that lives in the back of your head without you being aware of it?
When I heard this phrase a few weeks ago, I had to laugh. Yes, it makes sense. But what do we really believe about it though? And how do we act on a daily basis?
Every single business (even the ones who are trying to increase wealth) are providing a service. To help achieve some vision of the future. If businesses only existed to make money we would not have traded goods or services prior to money existing. Businesses existed before money!
So what are the consequences of ignoring the idea that businesses do not exist to make money? We get greedy. Our behavior hardens and we start to act like machines. If there is anything you can do to bring purpose and meaning back into your professional life, start looking at our businesses, clients, and co-workers as having a purpose other than making money. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
We use the phrase “I’m Sorry” so much it ends up becoming a throwaway phrase. Almost meaningless. How often do you say it in a week? Is the meaning you’re intending conveyed with how you use it? Do you use it so much that it has no meaning at all?
The root word of sorry is ‘sore’; to physically ache or hurt. We use it to convey sympathy with someone else’s misfortune, to express regret, or describe a poor or pitiful state of something.
Do you differentiate those four definitions? Does the line between them ever blur for you? Have you ever heard someone say it meaning one definition and someone else receive it using a different definition?
If we use this phrase too much, where has it lost meaning for you? Does a hollow, “I’m sorry for your loss” land flat? Do you apologize so often the expression of regret sounds more like something pitiful? Have you ever receive an insincere apology?
My request is to separate out the different uses of “I’m Sorry” into phrases that convey the meaning you intend. Try using “I’m sad to hear of our loss”, or “Our family wants to express our condolences.” Substitute “I apologize. How can I make this better?” What other phrases are more meaningful for you?
Try substituting the definition of how you are using “I’m Sorry” instead. I’m curious to hear if you notice a difference in how you are able to communicate with others. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Three times this week someone has mentioned having impostor syndrome! So it must be time to talk about it!
Ever have the feeling you shouldn’t be included in a group and that someone will find out? THAT’s impostor syndrome. Actually it isn’t a syndrome at all. Suzanne Imes and Pauline Rose Clance coined the term Impostor Phenomenon as it isn’t actually a diagnosable syndrome. But we all have it at some point in our lives. Some of us feel it when we are new to a group or a career, or when we don’t trust our own abilities.
Having this phenomenon creates a lot of anxiety. We all experience it in a variety of ways and for some of us we may have it about one topic while the person sitting next to us is having about something else.
There isn’t an easy fix. For some of us it goes away once we are older and have some more experience.
As with most of these internal battles we have with ourselves, it helps to name what is going on. “I fee like an impostor” said out loud relieves some of the tension.
Have some compassion for yourself and take stock of what talents, skills and experience you bring to the situation. Make a list!
Make a note for yourself that social, racial, and gender cues make this phenomenon worse. Pay attention to the scenario you are in, even you don’t feel like the impostor!
Ask for help! I’ve posted about this before. The fear of asking for help prevents so many options for us in life. And finally, take a break when you recognize that your stress is high. By pausing it allows the fear to dissipate and creates the ability to shift your perception of what is going on.
Where do you feel you are an impostor? What evidence is there to suggest this isn’t true? How different would your experience be if you believed you weren’t an impostor? That sensation isn’t helping you! – www.rhoadscoaching.com
You have critical phrases that play in your head. Phrases that take your energy and time without providing value. It is time to evict those freeloaders. No free rent in your head!
I’ve posted before about the different internal conversations we have with ourselves. For some of us it is almost a continuously streaming conversation. I’ve also posted about “The Critic”, who is the internal voice that has nothing positive to say to you.
Some of the phrases we say to ourselves (“What were you thinking?” or “That wasn’t good enough!”) were inherited from others. Even though that person may not be standing next to us, we repeat their phrase to ourself.
At some level, then, that person occupies time, energy, and resources in our internal world. They become a freeloader that lives rent free in our internal world!
If that voice isn’t providing value, or is negative in terms of how you treat yourself, it is time for it to go! Just like a squatter or poor tenant, YOU are responsible for your own property. It is up to you to be your own landlord and evict these negative voices.
So which phrases and voices treat you the worst? Are you able to identify where you picked them up? What do you need to generate the power to evict that tenant from your internal world?- www.rhoadscoaching.com
How are you differentiating the days and weeks so they don’t all run together? Maybe now is the right time to set a marker so you can measure how far you have come and how far you are going to go!
We usually use the New Year as a marker. Out with the old in with the new. In March we will pass the marker of a year of COVID pandemic. If we aren’t paying attention it all starts to blur together and we limit our ability to see that change is still happening around us.
How are you going to keep track of the fact that you are still growing, adapting, and developing? Today is different than yesterday and tomorrow. What relative measurement will work for you to prove that you are still moving forward?
You could celebrate “mini-holidays” for the beginning of each week or month. Keeping a journal or log (and going back and reviewing it) allows you to track your changes. Setting a check-in with a friend or family member allows you to have an outside reference point.
My challenge to you is to create a benchmark for yourself. A metaphorical trail of breadcrumbs. By setting a marker you will be able to prove to yourself that the last 12 months were more valuable than you might believe. You will be setting yourself up to see how much change will happen for you in the next twelve months. How are you going to help yourself?- www.rhoadscoaching.com
How do you define grace? Is it part of your life? What are you missing by not including it as part of being human?
Several times recently the idea of grace has come up in conversations. I was surprised in looking up the definition all of the different meanings it has. For today, my request is the to focus on the aspect of grace defined as “an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency“.
The unique thing about grace, though, is that it can’t be earned. If I can’t earn someone’s kindness or clemency, then it must be freely given. Our culture doesn’t take kindly to anything that can’t be earned or traded. Yet there is something very human about grace being freely given.
Is this an idea that exists in your world? For most of us it is easier to consider when thinking about religion or a higher power. Because of this, it also makes it more difficult for it to be part of our daily lives.
What if you were to apply grace as a tool in how you relate to others (and even yourself)? Take some time this season to consider where this unearned kindness does appear and where it might be needed more in your life. How do you define it? How can you develop it in yourself? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
We have a complicated relationship with what we say we believe. For many of us our personal beliefs come from what we are taught about religion (both good and bad). One of the ideas we misunderstand is repentance.
We tend to think of repentance as feeling sorry or being guilty for doing something. This leads us down the path of avoiding the topic and seeing repenting as a trap. With this misunderstanding we lose the value of repentance as a powerful opportunity.
Part of the original Greek translation of our word repentance included the idea of ‘thinking in a new way’. The result of identifying our shortcomings was to create growth and development to something better. This thinking in a new way creates something better. We may have forgotten or not know this about how turning away from our old way of doing things creates a new opportunity.
What if repentance wasn’t a bad thing? Where in your life are you missing the opportunity to think in a new way. Where does the old thinking create hurt for you and others? Is it possible this old idea might be useful in your daily life? What if by repenting we are growing and developing into something new? – www.rhoadcoaching.com
What if the current change you are facing is more like stepping off the curb than jumping off a cliff?
I heard a cool story this week during a networking meeting that I wanted to share. After a period of indecision about starting their own business, this person had a friend say to them, “You won’t be jumping off of a cliff, you will be stepping off the curb.” The image clicked and allowed the business to be created (it is still thriving)!
Has this ever happened to you? Where you had created a story that the change was going to be terrifying and dangerous, only to find out the first step created momentum and you were off and running?
Where are you doing this now? Have you created an image in your head that the next obstacle is a giant drop? That you will lose your security and identity and there is no point in proceeding? What if the change was more like stepping off the curb to cross the street? Is there any chance the things you will sacrifice will be much less than the reward?
Most importantly, how will be able to tell the difference? Do you have the ability to assess your situation and evaluate the risks? Who do you know and trust that can give you the perspective you need to get you off the curb?- www.rhoadscoaching.com