Keeping Accounts – Rhoads Life Coaching

It takes time, energy, and effort to keep track of what we believe we are owed. This applies to relationships as well as money and time. What we don’t realize is the toll it takes in keeping accounts. What are the emotional and relational accounts you can let go?

In recording this video I realized it could be misunderstood that I am advocating removing relationships from our lives. Please do no misunderstand. Keeping accounts in terms of relationships is about you as the individual. There is a price you pay my keeping track of what you believe you are owed. There is a negative charge that you hold onto and that holding is a reflection of who you are as a person, not the state of the relationship. You have the right to not be negative and letting go of keeping accounts is one method of accepting that right.

It is also interesting to consider the accounts we keep in relation to ourselves. For some of us, we are our own worst critic. What is the amount of energy and time you spend on keeping track of all of the errors you have made? What can be erased from that ledger to allow for room to heal and grow? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

 

keeping-accounts-Rhoads Life Coaching

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

 

Criticism vs. Complaint – Rhoads Life Coaching

What if how we talk to each other has a direct impact on our ability to resolve conflicts? Learning to resolve conflicts is a skill. It takes understanding and practice! Learning the difference between a criticism vs. a complaint could help in addressing and resolving conflicts.

Criticism is focused at a person and who they are as human being. Criticism is about an event and looks to resolve a problem. Criticizing speaks to who a person is and promotes blame and shame. Identifying a complaint offers the opportunity to collaborate on a solution. Criticism is asking “Why did you do that?” or “What is wrong with you?”. Complaint is saying, “This happened and I have a problem with it, what can we do to resolve it?”.

Why would we expect anyone to help us if we are attacking who they are a person?

A simple solution to making conflict more manageable is to reduce criticism as much as possible! The challenge becomes slowing down long enough to enter a conflict with intention by identifying the complaint and avoiding as much criticism as possible. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

 

Criticism vs complaint - Rhoads Life Coaching

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

 

Self-Observation – Rhoads Life Coaching

Too often we look to the world around us expecting change. In reality, purposeful and meaningful change starts as an internal process. The first step toward making changes is to create a practice of self-observation. This practice is difficult, as we either let ourselves off the hook, expecting others to change before us, OR we guilt and shame ourselves into changing (think of all the times you force yourself to exercise or to not eat something you want). Our critical and judgmental pieces tell us we ‘should’ change and this creates a split internally. It is more difficult to change when you are forcing yourself to do something. The antidote to this split is to take the critical and judgmental voices out of the conversation. This is achieved by taking a detached, almost scientific, self-observation of oneself.  The simplest way to start is to look back at a recent event and observe how you acted (both internally and externally). What were you thinking? How did you feel? What was the story you were telling yourself as the event happened? Where did that story come from? How could you have acted differently? What would that take? To be able to step back outside of ourselves and observe in a non-judgmental way creates new opportunities for growth and development. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Self-Observation - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

 

Finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Taking Intentional Aim at Our Goals – Rhoads Life Coaching

Have you ever considered that taking intentional aim is different than setting a goal? Setting a goal is critical. We do not have a sense of direction or vision with out a goal. Taking aim, however, is the moment before activation. Aiming requires intent, will, and concentration. Frequently we set goals for ourselves and never reach that activation point. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part. Taking aim changes all of that. It is the moment we switch from contemplating and planning to action. Focusing on how we aim can influence how we approach a task or goal. If our aim does not match our values, priorities, and vision we can sabotage achieving the goal we set. It is possible to focus on aim and adjust the intent – resulting in a different outcome! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

 

Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Numbing – Rhoads Life Coaching

What if the habits and patterns you use are numbing you from experiencing meaning and finding your purpose? These ways of anesthetizing ourselves serve a purpose up to a point. We need to rest and to recharge and be entertained and connected, but the mechanisms we use to do so can numb us from feeling the need to change. Once that numbing becomes a habit it prevents us from making intentional and healthy changes. We have a multitude of ways to numb ourselves to keep from feeling vulnerable. This lack of vulnerability prevents the good things from entering our lives just as much as the bad things. The remedy starts with self-observation. How do you numb yourself? What are you missing by doing so? How can you be intentional about beginning to numb yourself less? – www.rhoadslifecoaching.com

 

 

Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Internal Lenses – Rhoads Life Coaching

What if there is a lens through which we filter our reality? How we perceive the world is filtered through our beliefs, our emotions, and our values. EVERYTHING we experience passes through this lens! Those internal lenses works just like a pair of sunglasses to change our experience, which is why we end up with so many different interpretations of the same events. Frequently that lens gets smudged and distorts our view of the world. Just like a pair of glasses it helps to notice that the perception is smudged and to clean the lens! Sometimes those lenses are no longer useful or need to be cleaned or replaced! How are you filtering the world? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning & purpose is daily life

Over-Extending Ourselves – Rhoads Life Coaching

Have you ever put yourself in a situation standing on a ladder or step-stool where over-extending your reach creates a tipping point? Where you have committed more of yourself than is safe? Suddenly the chore you are doing becomes much less important that the injury that could happen.

We are asked to give all of ourselves in what we do.

What happens when we give more?

What happens when I give 110% to my job or relationship (or anything else)? There is a tipping point where we over-extend ourselves and the consequences can be painful. Where are you over-extending in your life? What adjustments can you make to continue to grow and develop without tipping over? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Self-Protecting Behaviors – Rhoads Life Coaching

What coping mechanisms we learned as children are limiting our potential now? The self-protecting behaviors we learned early on about surviving conflict, or soothing a wound, or how to fit into a group all worked… you are still here! These foundational buffers helped us survive as children and because they were developed as children, now inhibit our full potential. Avoiding conflict works in some instances, but not in all. Being a perfectionist drives us to excel, only up to a point. Numbing out buffers us from emotional pain, but can lead to addiction while preventing positive experiences from happening at all. The old tools serve a purpose, but as adults we have the ability to adapt and create more refined responses. We have the ability to choose something different! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Setting Vision – Rhoads Life Coaching

Where do you want to end up? Whether it is planning a vacation, or developing a career path, or creating a lasting relationship, if you do not set a vision of where you want to end up you will likely never get there!

By having a sense of the long term goals for each of the domains in our lives, we automatically create meaning and purpose in what we do on a daily basis. The more that our vision can align with our values and priorities, the more fulfilling the pursuit of that vision will be! Not having a vision, or going away from our vision, creates dissonance and disruption in our lives.

What vision do you need to set for your life? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

Vision - Rhoads Life Coaching

 

Finding meaning & purpose in daily life

Perfectionism – Rhoads Life Coaching

Watch out for perfectionism! Buying into the ideal of doing something perfectly can be a slippery slope. Aspiring to be better & succeed is a worthy goal & we want to be challenged & grow. But there is always room for improvement & sometimes needing things to be or go perfectly leads to a belief of ‘not good enough’ or even ‘not worth trying’. Self-observation can create an awareness of when the need to be perfect drains our energy & power. Stepping down from needing a perfect outcome creates power & a natural flexibility to living. Wanting things to be perfect can be a trap! – www.rhoadscoaching.com