There are things we repeat (over and over) that become our habits (good and bad). Think for a few seconds about some of the repetition and patterns you have created over the course of your life… The way you get dressed, or how you eat your eggs, or the stories your tell yourself about who you are or what you are worth… How many times have you repeated those habits (hundreds, thousands)?
To change an old habit we need to counter-act it with repetition of a good habit. All of the self-help books and videos out there offer options for doing just that. Some work and some don’t. John Wooden’s whole philosophy around winning as a team was and being successful as a person was embodied in repeating over and over what it looked like to succeed (all the way down to how to tie your shoes as an athlete). What in your life are you so passionate about that you are willing to make that kind of effort? What do you want for your life and how motivated are you to make it happen? The first steps begin with repeating the habits that will lead you to your goals.
What repeating do you need to make to reach the vision you have for yourself? What old repetitions are getting in the way? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
It takes time, energy, and effort to keep track of what we believe we are owed. This applies to relationships as well as money and time. What we don’t realize is the toll it takes in keeping accounts. What are the emotional and relational accounts you can let go?
In recording this video I realized it could be misunderstood that I am advocating removing relationships from our lives. Please do no misunderstand. Keeping accounts in terms of relationships is about you as the individual. There is a price you pay my keeping track of what you believe you are owed. There is a negative charge that you hold onto and that holding is a reflection of who you are as a person, not the state of the relationship. You have the right to not be negative and letting go of keeping accounts is one method of accepting that right.
It is also interesting to consider the accounts we keep in relation to ourselves. For some of us, we are our own worst critic. What is the amount of energy and time you spend on keeping track of all of the errors you have made? What can be erased from that ledger to allow for room to heal and grow? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
What if how we talk to each other has a direct impact on our ability to resolve conflicts? Learning to resolve conflicts is a skill. It takes understanding and practice! Learning the difference between a criticism vs. a complaint could help in addressing and resolving conflicts.
Criticism is focused at a person and who they are as human being. Criticism is about an event and looks to resolve a problem. Criticizing speaks to who a person is and promotes blame and shame. Identifying a complaint offers the opportunity to collaborate on a solution. Criticism is asking “Why did you do that?” or “What is wrong with you?”. Complaint is saying, “This happened and I have a problem with it, what can we do to resolve it?”.
Why would we expect anyone to help us if we are attacking who they are a person?
A simple solution to making conflict more manageable is to reduce criticism as much as possible! The challenge becomes slowing down long enough to enter a conflict with intention by identifying the complaint and avoiding as much criticism as possible. – www.rhoadscoaching.com