Reflecting Back (The Value of Reflection) – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

I find it is a useful coaching tool to pause to verify growth and development. This reflecting back allows us to affirm for ourselves life does continue to change.

Our lives move so fast, we frequently create for ourselves a narrative that nothing changes. Sometimes we are able to convince ourselves we are repeating events and growth is not happening, or even worse, that nothing good has happened recently.

To combat these mindsets it is important to verify change is happening and in order to do that we need a relative point of measurement to the current state. Reflecting back allows us to find that relative point.

Thinking of the different domains of your life, where were you emotionally six months ago? How have your relationships changed over the last decade? Have you taken care of your physical health in the last year? How has your spiritual view of the world changed recently? How has your career or finances developed in the last three years?

While these are all broad questions, the specific and detailed examples help in reflecting back. What was the best book or movie you encountered this year? Who did you reconnect with this year? Were you able to take a trip to see a new place recently? How has your family changed this year?

My request is to take some time in the next week and practice reflecting back. Not by holding onto and obsessing about the past. Not by making a top ten list. But reflect on where your path has led you over the last year and the last decade. It offers clues as to where you are headed in the future! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Reflecting Back - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

Finding meaning and purpose in daily life

I Want, I Don’t Want – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between pulling something we want towards us while also pushing it away. If we slow down and listen we can almost hear the two internal voices arguing – “I Want” and “I Don’t Want”.

The image comes to mind of one had pulling the thing I want towards me, while the other hand is pushing it away at the same time. Suddenly I am stuck! If I let go with the first hand I will lose the thing I want. Letting go with the second hand, I will definitely get it (and that might be bad)!

Where does this happen for you?

Deciding whether to stay at your job?

Whether to go back to school?

Asking someone out?

We have trouble resolving the internal conflict when we can’t or don’t know how to change our hold in order to choose something else to resole the conflict. So how to get unstuck?

Bringing a third perspective is the simplest place to start. The two versions of yourself (the I Want and the I Don’t Want) have a reason for being there. The third version of yourself can help by observing the conflict from a place of not being stuck. Have the third version assess the situation. Ask the two in conflict what they are trying to achieve. Is it possible to negotiate a solution where both are willing to change their grip to help the other out?

With practice and patience this negotiation and collaboration can help in resolving future internal conflicts! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

I Want I Don't Want - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Isolation vs. Solitude – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

What is the difference between isolation vs. solitude? Both involve being alone. What if the intention behind each changes how you use them?

While the dictionary definitions of each are similar, I would argue that they have subtlety different meaning. That difference, for me, comes down to intent.

When I feel isolated there is a sense of it being something I don’t really want. It is imposed (either by self or someone else). It isn’t always a bad thing, but isolation is a restricting thing. Something reducing freedom and choice.

Solitude on the other hand feels like something I do want and is something I get to choose. There is a sense of freedom and I have control over when it begins and ends. It is something I willingly move towards when I need it.

Do you make this distinction for yourself? Are you able to compare isolation vs. solitude for yourself and others? Where do the two appear in your life? My request is to look for both as you go through your day. Where does isolation appear and where can it be changed to solitude? What are the benefits and liabilities for each? My bet is you will find more fulfillment and purpose in choosing solitude when given the opportunity and more accepting in isolation when needed. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Isolation vs Solitude - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Bioaccumulation – Rhoads Life Coaching, LL

Bioaccumulation is the concentration of contaminates upward through the higher levels of a system. This biology term describes how ecosystems and food chains work. I would offer the suggestion it also occurs with human beliefs and emotional and intellectual energy.

As an example, mercury is introduced into an aquatic system through a water source. The mercury settles onto the floor of a lake or river and is absorbed by the plants. Aquatic invertebrates then eat the plants. The invertebrates are in turn eaten by small fish. Larger fish eat the small fish. Finally, humans catch and eat the larger fish. The mercury absorbed by the plants is concentrated at each level of the food chain. It may not be toxic at the lower levels, but concentrates at each level until it is toxic to humans. This creates eating advisories all over the world about how much fish is healthy to eat in given period.

Does this happen in our psychological world? If my grandparents believed it wasn’t safe to move away from home, I might have a family that lives near each other. This has benefits and disadvantages, but as a grandchild I haven’t seen much of the world, I might be at a significant disadvantage in understanding different perspectives around the country or world. My beliefs concentrate into something unhealthy.

The antidote to bioaccumulation is to remove the source of the contaminate. The contaminated water must be cleaned before it reaches the river or lake to prevent humans from being poisoned by mercury. The negative belief or behavior needs to be interrupted to prevent being passed forward.

Where are you concentrating beliefs and emotional energy that might have a greater negative effect if passed forward? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Bioaccumulation - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Where To Start? (Which Obstacle First?) – Rhoads Life Coaching LLC

Frequently we have a clear vision of where we want to go, but don’t know where to start. Almost always the answer has to do with what is closest. The most immediate obstacle or task is the place to start.

During coaching it is common for a client to wonder where to start. They may have a sense of what they want to achieve and the being able to decide where to start is frequently the obstacle that prevents us from taking a risk and trying.

Where does this happen for you? We all have examples. Our first or second attempts didn’t work and now we are stuck about what to do next (or even give up completely).

My experience is that we get ahead of ourselves setting out on a new goal; missing or skipping an obstacle that we couldn’t see (or hear). Almost always the place to start is with what is the most immediate obstacle. It makes it more difficult to lose 20 pounds if I don’t know my starting weight. Getting a scale is where to start!

When setting out toward a vision or goal it helps to pause for a moment and figure out where you are on the map. Where are your feet on the map? Then determine what is blocking your steps toward that goals in the first few steps. This creates the momentum and positive start to keep moving forward.

I apologize for the high pitched whistle in the beginning of this video. More evidence that I am losing some of the higher ranges of my hearing. If I had known it was there I would have waited to shoot. The view was too good to pass up! And I’m glad we were there to record! I was unable to remove the whistle during editing. The place to start? Another ear exam to see how much has changed in the last year. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Where To Start - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Holiday Coaching Gift Certificates

HOLIDAY LIFE COACHING GIFT CERTIFICATES!

What if you could give the BEST gift you had ever given?

One of our clients purchased coaching gift certificates for a family member and gave the following testimonial:

“I love giving gifts to my family and friends.  I take pride in putting a lot of thought into what I give and trying to give something unique, meaningful or fun.  This past year, I gave the gift of Rhoads Life Coaching sessions to a family member who was experiencing many life transitions.  It was hands down the best gift I have ever given anyone, and I give really great gifts!  The recipient has thanked me many times for giving her something so personal and so needed.  She has continued the coaching and says it is the best gift she has ever received!  Thank you John for the work you do, the lives you change and for making me a star gift giver! “ M.Q.

Who on your list would love a gift that keeps giving?

Purchase gift certificates for the number of coaching sessions you want to gift through the Contacts Page on our website. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

#rhoadslifecoaching #lifecoach #coaching #purpose #meaning #holidaygift #giftcertificate #bestgift

Holiday Gift Certificates Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

BLACK FRIDAY SALE! Coaching Certificates! – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Rhoads Life Coaching Black Friday Sale!
15% Off A Set of Three Coaching Hours – Black Friday Only!
Give the Gift of Growth & Development!

Send requests for gift certificates through our Contact Page.

Not sure what to gift to give this year? Purchase a set of three 1-hour coaching sessions at Rhoads Life Coaching and give a meaningful and heartfelt gift that will turbocharge someone’s new year!

Black Friday Sale - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Letting Go of Old Data Sets – Rhoads Life Coaching

Sometimes we have trouble seeing change based on large pools of historical data. Letting go of old data sets helps measure whether we are growing or not.

Take a 5-gallon bucket full of water and add 5 more drops of water. It might be REALLY difficult to measure any change in the water (or the bucket). Now empty the bucket (all the way), and THEN add 5 drops of water. It might not be easy, but I would bet you it is possible to see a change in the water (and the bucket) with just the 5 drops.

Do we do this in relationships? How about to ourselves? When navigating a conflict, or asking for a change, do you bring ALL of the previous data you have collected to your measurement? Are you surprised when it is difficult to see a change when the old data skews your view?

Please do not hear that I am advocating dismissing prior experience. It is vital that the things we have learned be kept as reference.

What I am advocating is looking for instances where new data gets washed out, or can’t be seen, through the lens of historical beliefs. My ask is to consider creating new data sets when asking for change and letting go of the old data in your calculations as to whether your life is improving or declining. Just like bats under the Congress Avenue Bridge in Austin, it is possible to see their presence first as an attribute, then a nuisance, then as an attribute again.

Where do you need to start a new data set in your life? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Letting Go of Old Data Sets - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Accept Where You Are – Rhoads Life Coaching

In order to begin any change, development, or growth you must first accept where you are. This may seem like a simple statement until you have to make multiple attempts at changing something about yourself.

Ask anyone who has attempted to quit smoking, lose weight, or keep a New Year’s resolution. Our lessons of what works and doesn’t work in regard to change frequently have to be recalibrated after determining that we started from an inaccurate beginning.

Maybe you didn’t know how difficult it would be to grow or develop. Or maybe you didn’t fully understand how hard it would be to let go of something. These, and many others, are observations of not accepting where we are when we start.

Where do you have a blind spot that prevents you from accepting where you are? Or better yet, what are you in denial about that prevents an accurate beginning? Even if I understand that my stress level is too high, if I don’t accept it I will continue down an unhealthy path. Where are you not being honest with yourself? What would it take to accept where you are?

If you cannot accept the reality of where you must begin, you will be starting from a false starting point. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Accept Where You Are - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

Name the Fear (You Are Not Your Fear) – Rhoads Life Coaching LLC

What do you fear? Can you say it out loud or write it down? Frequently we lose courage and energy by avoiding an unnamed and hidden anxiety or terror. There is power in being able to name the fear!

Just like J.K. Rowling’s “He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named”, our fear builds by not naming what scares us. The fear itself steals our energy as much or more than the actual person or situation.

What are you afraid of? Speaking in public? Losing a loved one? Losing your job? What would it take to say it out loud or to write the fear down? Suddenly the things we are afraid of is outside of us instead of swirling around inside. We can see it and don’t have to work to hide it.

One step further – C.S. Lewis wrote the “Screwtape Letters” giving a senior devil in hell an actual name and persona. By creating a character the fear not only materialized, but could also be observed and understood. What if you not only named your fears, but then gave them a name?

Suddenly you could talk to your fears like they were a person. If the fear is a character then it is no longer who you are as a person yourself. Do you believe that about yourself? You are not your fears!

Give it a try! Who would best embody your fear? What do they look like or sound like? What do they say and how do they behave? All of these answers provide context about how to overcome and banish that fear. You can take your power back when you name the fear! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Name the Fear - Rhoads Life Coaching Logo

finding meaning and purpose in daily life