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Creating Effort to Avoid Effort- Rhoads Life Coaching

Yogi Berra, in his infinite humor and wisdom, is rumored to have said once after passing the same landmark three times, “We are lost, but we are making good time!” His joke is a perfect example of creating effort in order to avoid effort! How often in life do we refuse to stop and figure out a practical solution to a problem and end up creating a whole new problem by avoiding solution?

If you are honest with yourself, you can think of a recent example where you spent time and energy to do something in order to avoid doing something else. Our children are masters at it when it comes time to eat their vegetables or go to bed. Entire procedures and policies are created by profitable businesses to avoid confronting an unethical or unproductive situation. From a practical standpoint it is possible to overextend ourselves by creating new tasks in order to avoid something else. There is a temporary gain in creating this new effort. In the long run, however, we lose not only the energy and time in completing the new task, but the original problem is still left to be resolved.

The solution starts with self observation. Being able to change starts with realizing that something is being avoided. It is easy to see in small children. Can you see it in yourself? Understanding what is being avoided and why allows for a solution to be tested and a more direct path found.

We are given a limited amount of time and energy each day. We also sometimes make things more difficult for ourselves by creating unnecessary obstacles or paths. Where in your life are you creating effort in order to avoid effort? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Creating Effort - Rhoads Life Coaching

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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The Critic (Critical Self-Talk)- Rhoads Life Coaching

One important aspect of personal growth and development is the ability to recognize that we have lots of different aspects to who we are. One important aspect to watch out for is The Critic.  This negative part of our personality blames, shames, and steals energy and power. He or she gives the running negative commentary while we go through our day and is a pro at endlessly micro-analyzing the tapes of our mistakes and failures after the fact. When you hear yourself saying out loud or saying to some one, “It wasn’t good enough!”, or “I should have known better!”, or “What is wrong with me?” – THAT’S the Critic. This part of you is frequently relentless and can adapt to how it delivers it’s negative message. It can be vicious and sinister!

Another important aspect of The Critic is – you weren’t born with this piece of you. If you find that hard to believe, watch your local preschooler play as they run around in their super-hero cape. They don’t have that critical self-talk built in yet! They have to be taught to believe they aren’t good enough or that they don’t fit in. Critical self-talk is a product of our early growth and development!

This mean you have the ability to change that critical self-talk. If it wasn’t hardwired in you to start, then there is a chance of re-programming that code! It starts with self-observation and trying objectively to observe what your specific Critic is about. Change only comes from being able to see what is going on inside you. You have the ability to take that power back, as The Critic is not who you really are! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

The Critic - The Critic

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life 

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On Being Stuck – Rhoads Life Coaching

So I’m Stuck – Now What?

In sitting down to write this it occurred to me what an odd word ‘stuck’ is.      SO, being the nerd I am, I looked it up!Stuck

From Google Translation – Stuck, the past tense of ‘stick‘ is an old English or Germanic word derived from ‘sticken‘, which is associated with embroidery. Literally pinned down so it won’t move!

We all get stuck in trying to move through our daily lives. It could be anything – finding a new job, improving a relationship, eating healthier, exercising more, taking a fantastic vacation, setting a goal towards a dream. Anything!  We all have times and aspects of our lives that get bogged down. Where things won’t move or change or improve. It is not fun. Ironically, doing nothing or the same things over and over keep us in the same place. In order to get ‘unstuck’ we have to change what we are doing!

So here are four simple rules to follow when you find yourself stuck:

  1. Do SOMETHING Different!
  2. Don’t STOP!
  3. Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!
  4. Ask for HELP!

Do SOMETHING Different!

Maybe you haven’t realized that you are stuck in a situation. Maybe you haven’t had that epiphany of ‘why isn’t this working? OH, I must be stuck!’. Once that realization dawns on you, the solution is NOT to keep doing what got you Do SOMETHING Differentto this pinned in place! The first step then becomes Do SOMETHING Different! This is usually the toughest part! If you had known you would have ended up bogged down you would have likely done some thing different in the first place. So choosing to do something different requires effort and risk! Do something different could be small, large, high energy, or even coming to a complete stop. Another irony is that sometimes even trying something that might NOT work is better than staying in the current pinned down place. What does doing something different look like in your current dilemma?

Don’t STOP!

Anyone who has ever stranded a car in the snow knows that once the tires take hold, and the car starts to move forward, to NOT STOP driving until the car is out! The same applies for any other stuck situation. Once you get a bit of momentum of change – keep going! Where have you given up on changing a situation when not stopping would have tipped the scales?

Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!

While Do Something is usually the most difficult to start, Losing Control is sometimes the most difficult to achieve. What do I mean by ‘lose control (in a good way)? Why does it matter?

First, the benefit of losing control is that it loosens things up. It takes us out of our comfort zones and creates opportunities that we had not considered. If you don’t turn over the soil in a garden before planting, the likelihood of the seeds thriving decreases dramatically! We often get stuck because we try to control for all variables in a situation. By not letting go of that need to be in control, we limit ourselves.

Second, there are very unhealthy ways to Lose CONTROL! If I want to get rich quick I could cash out my retirement fund and buy a lot of lottery tickets. That would be losing control, but it would NOT be in a good way! So what does losing control in a good way look like? It depends on how you are stuck and what you are holding onto. There is a balancing point. We frequently get into patterns where we live our lives in very predictable ways. It is possible to throw all caution to the wind and give up responsibility to ourselves. Losing control in a good way is not forfeiting ALL of the things you are responsible for. Losing control in a good way could be as simple as not working through a lunch break, giving yourself permission to take a day off, going on a blind date, or trying a new restaurant.

What haven’t you tried recently because you were unwilling to give up control?

Ask for HELP!

It is interesting that while the other steps are more difficult, Asking for HELP is often something we are unwilling to do. Why is that? Maybe we are embarrassed. Maybe we don’t know who to ask. Maybe we want to get all the credit. Ask for Help!But if you haven’t been able to solve the situation on your own up to now, I will refer you back to #1. Frequently someone else has a simpler solution, or is willing to pitch in to try and solve a problem. Back to the car in the snow – it is far easier to have four people push a car out of a snow bank than to continue spinning the wheels. So what internal dilemmas do you have where you are not asking for assistance? Who do you know who might be able to offer an idea or solution? What is preventing you from asking for what you need?

So where in your life are you bogged down? What have you been working to change recently that you have been unable to move? You get to choose! You can keep doing what you are doing, or you can try something different! I hope you are able to get unstuck! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Stuck - Rhoads Life Coacing

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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Recurrence & Getting 'Unstuck' – Rhoads Life Coaching

Groundhog Day. They have a lot of practice at this recurring tradition! This mile marker on the calendar has become one of my favorite ‘holy-days’ not because of the tradition and predicting (and celebrating) the end of winter, but because of the 1993 movie ‘Groundhog Day’. Harold Ramus and Bill Murray give us a comical example of how recurrence works. It is possible to to get stuck in the loop of doing the same things day after day, week after week, year after year. How often do you say to yourself, ‘Where did the weekend go?’ or ‘I’m just trying to get to Friday’? If we don’t pay attention, nothing ever really changes and we become mechanical in how we live. This mechanicalness drains the meaning and fulfillment out of our lives. So how does Bill Murray get out of his loop? First he takes ownership of his situation. Something has to be done! He keeps trying things until things start to click. There are setbacks! It is hard to break out of the recurring patterns. He has to change. It is critical to note that the world doesn’t change around him. The change comes from within himself. Here are four rules to follow for getting ‘unstuck’!

  1. Do SOMETHING!
  2. Don’t STOP!
  3. Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!
  4. Ask for HELP!
Where are their recurrences in your life? These could be daily, weekly, monthly, annually. Where are you being mechanical and just going through the motions? What is ONE THING to do different this week to start to break the loop and to create more intention and meaning in how you live? – www.rhoadscoaching.com   Rhoads Life Coaching - Recurrence   finding purpose and meaning in daily life ]]>

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Recurrence & Getting ‘Unstuck’ – Rhoads Life Coaching

Recurrence is the repeating of events, thoughts, and emotions in our lives. We tend to think of life as a long linear string, but in reality we live our lives in loops of varying lengths and degree. These loops lull us to sleep. The only way to get out of these patterns is to change how we live.

Punxsutawney, PA just celebrated their 132nd Groundhog Day. They have a lot of practice at this recurring tradition! This mile marker on the calendar has become one of my favorite ‘holy-days’ not because of the tradition and predicting (and celebrating) the end of winter, but because of the 1993 movie ‘Groundhog Day’. Harold Ramus and Bill Murray give us a comical example of how recurrence works. It is possible to to get stuck in the loop of doing the same things day after day, week after week, year after year. How often do you say to yourself, ‘Where did the weekend go?’ or ‘I’m just trying to get to Friday’? If we don’t pay attention, nothing ever really changes and we become mechanical in how we live. This mechanicalness drains the meaning and fulfillment out of our lives.

So how does Bill Murray get out of his loop? First he takes ownership of his situation. Something has to be done! He keeps trying things until things start to click. There are setbacks! It is hard to break out of the recurring patterns. He has to change. It is critical to note that the world doesn’t change around him. The change comes from within himself.

Here are four rules to follow for getting ‘unstuck’!

  1. Do SOMETHING!
  2. Don’t STOP!
  3. Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!
  4. Ask for HELP!

Where are their recurrences in your life? These could be daily, weekly, monthly, annually. Where are you being mechanical and just going through the motions? What is ONE THING to do different this week to start to break the loop and to create more intention and meaning in how you live? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

Rhoads Life Coaching - Recurrence

 

finding purpose and meaning in daily life

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What Do You Value? – Rhoads Life Coaching

What are your values? Have you ever thought about it? How do you know what you value?

We acquire our values based on our experiences. Even if we didn’t know it while it was happening, we learned what was most important to us as life happened to us.  Our personal values are as unique as our fingerprints.

Values end up being large concepts that are difficult to define. Freedom, independence, integrity, growth, family, love, and honesty are all examples of these large concepts. Check out Jame Clear’s list of 50 core values to find examples. We have trouble seeing them in our lives because they saturate every aspect of how we live.

When we encounter a situation that conflicts with our values, we feel frustrated and out of sync and we often have conflict with other people who have different values from our own. We filter all of our beliefs, thoughts and actions through our values. Take some time to try and define what your values are because there is a benefit to knowing what you value most! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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Internal Blocks – Rhoads Life Coaching

Nearly all of our thoughts and behaviors (good or bad) served a purpose at one point. Some of them prevented bad things from happening to us. Some of those preventative internal blocks got left in place and no longer help, and now hinder growth and change.

Say for example, I had multiple events growing up where I was laughed at or teased for being willing to try something new that I had never attempted before. It would make sense if I put a block in place to prevent myself from trying new experiences in order to not be exposed to more teasing and vulnerability. That internal block protected me through the rest of growing up and served a useful purpose. Now as adult, I have forgotten that preventative measure is in place and I am unwilling to ask someone out on a date or look for a new job. What once helped, now hinders my ability to change and grow.

What internal blocks do you carry around with you that no longer help (we ALL have them!)? How do you go about removing them? The first step is self-observation and becoming aware the block is there. From there understanding the purpose of original behavior and what is different now allows for a new choice to be made and the block to be removed. This might take awhile! Change and growth and something better become much more difficult without going through this process. Which internal blocks can you remove? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

Internal Blocks - Rhoads Life Coaching

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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Attracting the Life We Live – Rhoads Life Coaching

We are attracting the life we live. Whether we intend to (or even want to), we are in a relationship with the world around us. That relationship goes both ways. I have posted previously about how reducing negativity impacts our daily living and how the lenses we wear impact our perception, but because the relationship goes both ways, the world also responds to our actions, thoughts, beliefs, and even energy.  This paradox may be difficult to discern.  Which comes first, my positive outlook and hope, or the opportunity to be positive and hopeful? The reality is that the world responds in kind. If we are negative we receive negativity. If we are hopeful we receive hope. This creates an opportunity to change the world around us. If my attitude and energy impact the world’s response, then choosing how I relate to the world changes my own reality. This does not mean we will receive all of our wishes. It does not mean we won’t encounter obstacles. But  we have the ability to attract the life we want to live. We can do so by working to live the life we want. What life are you living now? Are you fearful? Negative? What changes do you need make on a daily basis to live the life want? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

attracting life

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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Urgent vs. Important – The Eisenhower Method

I wanted to share a tool that has been around a long time and that I have used for several years with great success with my coaching clients. I have always called it the Urgent vs. Important Grid. Today I learned it is called the Eisenhower Method as it was coined by President Eisenhower as his method for prioritization. Frequently, in our hurried lifestyle, we convince ourselves that everything has to be done right away. This is rarely the case. Eisenhower developed his matrix separating tasks into urgent and important in order to help him prioritize.

The designated quadrants are as follows:

  1. Important/Urgent quadrant are done immediately and personally (e.g. crises, deadlines, problems).
  2. Important/Not Urgent quadrant get an end date and are done personally (e.g. relationships, planning, recreation).
  3. Unimportant/Urgent quadrant are delegated (e.g. interruptions, meetings, activities).
  4. Unimportant/Not Urgent quadrant are dropped (e.g. time wasters, pleasant activities, trivia).

The exercise becomes deciding where to place each task. As much as we would like to think  it is possible, not everything can go into the Important/Urgent quadrant. In fact, regardless of the time-frame, a healthy prioritization of tasks would have an equal number in each quadrant. It is possible to create a matrix for a specific project, the weekend, or for the next 6-months.

The matrix is fluid. Once a task is complete a task from a different quadrant can be move up. If urgency increases quickly a task may leap over other tasks. A burst pipe in the kitchen or a sick child jump into the Important/Urgent grid unexpectedly.

There is a benefit of taking pressure off by designating some tasks as Important/Not Urgent and Urgent/Not Important instead of everything being Important/Urgent.

I use this matrix as a spreadsheet on my desktop that gets updated daily. I have seen it used on sheet paper or flip-charts or dry-erase boards. For some reason, being able to move post-it notes from one quadrant to the next, or off the matrix completely, is very satisfying.

So how to decide? How do you determine which task goes where? The process is a reflection of your priorities and values. It is critical that some tasks require help. It is also critical that important tasks not be neglected. If a task sits in the Not Important/Not Urgent quadrant for too long, maybe it needs to be dropped entirely from the list. If the Urgent/Important quadrant has tasks there needs to be a very good reason to work on something else.

So make your own matrix. Test it out and see how it works. Pay attention to what variables you use to decide. Hopefully this tool allows for more effective, efficient, lower-stress decision making and prioritization. I have found it to be a very useful tool. Be sure to post questions and comments. I am curious to hear how it goes! – www.rhoadscoaching.com

 

*There are dozens of different styles of this matrix on the web. This example was created by Kelly Ohaver in 2015

 

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finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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Practical Application – Rhoads Life Coaching

It doesn’t matter what theory, dream, vision, goal, desire, or belief system you have until you create some practical application of that idea. Reading about shooting foul shots may be a helpful tool, but expecting to shoot foul shots without practicing is unrealistic. That also applies to our values, priorities, goals, and vision. It may be comforting to dream of a better job, or a wonderful vacation, but until you make make practical steps to apply that vision, you are only daydreaming. The same can be said for the belief systems, self-development, and growth we say we prescribe to.  All of the self-help books in the world will not change anything until you apply the steps outlined. Without taking a positive attitude, or loving your neighbor and enemy into the world, our spirituality and religion do not serve their purpose. These ideas were not meant to stay as theories.

What practical application are you missing from your daily life? What goals have you set that you are not working towards? What do you believe about how we should treat each other that you are not implementing? What do you need to start practicing? What is your motivation to start and keep going? Who will hold you accountable? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

Practical Application - Rhoads Life Coaching

 

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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