Videos Archives - Page 6 of 22 - Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

November 1, 2020October 30, 2020

Standing at the Doorway

I have written previously about how we are all standing at the doorway between our internal and external worlds. The external world we can all see and share. Your internal world only you can see. Understanding about our internal world has a dramatic influence on how we experience the external world.

In doing some of my own work this week it occurred to me that I get to choose HOW I stand at that door! Can you picture yourself standing at that boundary? Do you peer out fearfully? Does it feel like the external world is trying to knock the door down mentally, emotionally, or physically? Are you hiding what is behind the door so no one can see what is inside?

There are lots of different ways to stand at this threshold. The revelation is that you get to choose how you stand in that space. It is possible to choose to stand at equilibrium with the external world instead of barricading yourself inside that inner world.

What would it look like for you to stand at equilibrium at the threshold? To be safe in the doorway? Confident you can navigate both worlds. Ironically, if you are able to change your stance, both the external and internal world will appear different.

I dare you test drive this idea for yourself in the coming weeks. What do you have to loose? You get to choose who you are standing at that doorway. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

October 25, 2020October 21, 2020

Time To Vote

Whether you want it or not, it is time to vote. Unless you have been in a coma in a cave for the last 18 months, it would be difficult to ignore that collectively we have been ramping up to November 3rd.

I have talked with folks who are excited, hopeful, frightened, angry, exhausted, despondent, overwhelmed… You name it. All of our emotions, good or bad, are at the surface.

So my ask is simple. Please go vote.

I went back (since I’m always curious) and looked at the some of the previous elections. Did you know that in the last 12 presidential elections (1972 forward) less than 57% of eligible voters cast a ballot in each election? One year it was 49%! In the 2016 election 55% of eligible voters cast ballots.

Think about that for a minute. Only half of our collective voices are used to decide the direction of the country for ALL of us! For all of the toxic vitriol blasted onto social media, from both sides of the aisle, at the end of the day only half of those folks cast a ballot. I have trouble understanding the mindset that, “It doesn’t matter if I vote”. Nothing could be farther than the truth! This year seems to matter more than most.

We talk about voting as being a civic duty. A privilege. It is, but there is more to it than that. What is in it for you? It is the bedrock of my coaching practice that we each have a purpose and role to play in the bigger world around us. You showing up in your family and at your work is vital for all of the rest of us. Participating in the community is part of being the individual. By voting you get to use your voice to advocate for what you want. You get to fulfill part of your purpose.

Have you made a plan about how you are going to participate? Have you considered wait times? Will you need to review the ballot items before you arrive? Has Covid changed any of your regular voting norms?

This election will likely be the most important political event in our lifetimes. Regardless of civic duty or privilege, there is something in it for you. It is time to go vote. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

October 18, 2020October 13, 2020

Talking Past Each Other

In watching the recent debates, I’ve noticed the candidates talking past each other. They don’t listen to the other or answer the questions. How often do we do that in our own lives?

Just like the presidential debate, these two candidates are a mirror for how we treat each other on a daily basis. In the debate they created a loop that didn’t resolve. Both sides were questioned; then talked about something else. They weren’t listening to each other. They would simply keep talking in order to try and overpower whomever they were speaking to. Nothing was solved. We walked away from that debate with no solutions, or even answers. Sound familiar?

This is happening to us a lot. You can tell because we are all worn out from trying to resolve it for ourselves. Want to make some changes?

Suggestions:

Always start with yourself. How much am I contributing to the problem?
Are you talking specifically to the person in front of you, or to some absent group?
Am I pausing and listening to what the person says, or am I just trying to win?
Are you thinking about what you want to say?
Did they hear me? How would you know if they didn’t?
Do I need to ask for the other person to pause and listen to what I say?
Are they listening?
Am I answering the questions being asked?
Is the other person answering the questions being asked?
Do we need to stop and find an answer before moving on?

This is an extremely difficult endeavor. Partly because we don’t have complete control over it. If we are unable to reduce how much we talk past someone, we will stay stuck in this loop of not resolving conflict. It starts with you. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

October 11, 2020October 6, 2020

Different Kinds of Tired

I’ve posted previously about how we have different internal centers (intellectual, emotional, physical). Because these centers each function in unique ways we can also have different kinds of tired.

How well do you observe fatigue in each center? Remember being intellectually exhausted after finals in high school? Remember being emotionally worn out from fear or sadness? How are those two things different than being physically tired? What if two of the centers are tired, but not three? Could you tell the difference?

Because these centers fatigue differently, they also rest differently. Using your go-to resting method may only refuel you physically, but not emotionally or intellectually. If you are able to sort out the different kinds of tired, how would you best rest each center?

The answers may be unique you. The practice though is we all have these different engines that run inside of us. They are there for different reasons and use different fuels to recharge in different ways. Being able to recognize the differences creates the opportunity to rest those centers as needed. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

October 4, 2020October 2, 2020

Our Great Debate – Rhoads Life Coaching

I would be impressed if you did not know anything about the first presidential debate of 2020. It was painful to watch and read about. These are the individuals who represent all of us. Our great debate, however, isn’t about winning political battles, it is how we are going to treat each other.

I know individuals that only made it a few minutes into the 90-minute debate before having to turn it off and walk away. A week later I know folks who are still struggling to reconcile how unsettling it was to watch. It seems we had a common experience of anger, disgust, fear, and sadness in being subjected to what was likely an inevitable outcome.

Why was it inevitable? Our political candidates are a reflection of who we are as a country. They end up being a mirror for us as individuals. Ironically the concentration of the dissonance in that 90-minute conversation says more about you and me than it does the candidates themselves.

If possible, set aside the political content of the debate and just look at how the candidates treated each other. This is happening in nearly every corner of the country. It saturates our social media. It is difficult to remove it from nearly any conversation. Again, how these two men treated each other is a reflection of how we are treating each other.

If that is true, then change has to start with each individual before those chosen to represent us can change. Do you want the election to be different? Would you like for the country to be different? Then use the debate as the template of what needs to change inside of you.

Do you interrupt before someone is finished speaking?

Are you pausing to listening to the person speaking and hear what they are saying?

Do you look for a sarcastic reply to questions, or are you actually trying to answer the questions given to you?

Is your negativity clouding your ability to see the person next to you?

Do you vent on social media instead of trying to solve actual problems?

We are all doing this to some extent (even by pretending these problems don’t exist). Given how painful it was to see ourselves reflected in the “great” debate this past week, our leadership needs guidance on what to represent. For anything to change we have to take responsibility for changing ourselves first. – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

September 27, 2020September 21, 2020

Back To Basics (To Adjust Course) – Rhoads Life Coaching

It is normal for life to get moving so fast we drift away from the fundamentals of who we are and how we function. It is important to reset and get back to the basics in order to stay on course.

Where have you been drifting away from the core of who you are and how you do things? There have been so many disruptions this year, I would be surprised if you have not been pushed off course.

Regardless of the pandemic, drifting away from fundamentals is natural. That’s why athletic teams practice so much! What are the core components of who you are that have drifted lately? Are they personal? Professional? Is it an internal mindset or relationship that needs priority? How do you define The Basics for yourself?

Take some time this week and review where you might be drifting. What are the basics that bring you back? Journalling? A review of your values and strengths? The notes from a leadership program or certification? Prayer? Meditation? A meaningful poem or song? Your favorite movie? What practice brings you back to center? What are the basics of your practice? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

September 20, 2020September 17, 2020

What’s The Plan? – Rhoads Life Coaching

It is starting to cool off! The days are getting shorter! This winter is going to have additional obstacles to overcome in terms of the pandemic and isolation. How are you going to survive it? Now is the time to prepare. What’s the plan?

Have you thought about that?

It has come up in several coaching sessions lately. The worry and dread of dealing with the pandemic during the winter. We have so far benefited from the spring, summer, and fall of being able to be outside and active while trying to social distance and stay safe. In hearing the concerns from some of my clients of coping with Covid in the cold and dark, now is the time to prepare!

From a coaching perspective, we have the ability to plan for the obstacles ahead. What new activity can you learn? Will you use your creativity to find a unique solution? What would be a different way to develop yourself? How are you going to intentionally make this winter different from other years?

Given how quickly each month seems to pass, if you do not prepare now for January and February, they will be here before you are ready. Now is the time to prepare! If you are passive you will find yourself on the couch watching TV with the same doldrums we struggle against now. What is the plan? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

September 13, 2020September 13, 2020

Thresholds In Behavior – Rhoads Life Coaching, LLC

Independent of our beliefs and values we each have thresholds in our behavior. These thresholds are specific to each situation and are influenced by the behavior of those around us. Knowing how they function helps to understand how we work.

Mark Granovetter and other social scientists developed theories around predicting behavior based on the peer pressure of the group around an individual.

Some of us have high thresholds that resist changing behavior in a crowd. An example could be how emergency responders might run toward an emergency instead of away as crowds tend to do.

Some of us have low thresholds where we change our behavior quickly with the crowd. An example being when someone calls for quiet and a group stops talking all at once.

These thresholds come into play for all of us and are unique to nearly every situation we encounter based on the size of the group, the situation at hand, and a wide range of other variables. Granovetter observed how sometimes we even work against our own beliefs and values once that threshold is triggered. The group has influence on the individual based on the threshold.

Have you seen this play out recently? It is possible for one individual to have a low threshold for needing a stockpile of toilet paper and a high threshold of resisting wearing a mask.

How does the threshold model play out in your life? Do you know it is there? What are your thresholds? What are the tipping points for your family, friends and co-workers? Is your low resistance or high resistance to a threshold helping or hurting you? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

September 6, 2020September 4, 2020

Acedia (Drifting Into Not Caring) – Rhoads Life Coaching

The ancient Greeks had a term for the apathy of sustained isolation. Acedia is the sense of drifting into not caring. Knowing it is happening is the key to getting out.

Remember the poppy field that Dorothy and her friends wander into in the Wizard of Oz? Or the dwarves getting lost in the forest of Mirkwood in the Hobbit? We sometimes find ourselves wandering through a monotonous dreary stretch of life that creates an apathy that almost puts us to sleep.

I have been battling this myself for the last few weeks and have coaching clients who are describing the same thing. Virtual hang out with friends aren’t as novel as they were 5 months ago. I’ve watch ALL of Netflix and am almost finished with Prime. Who cares, right?

If the ancient Greeks had a term for it, it can’t be something new to the human experience. In my brain, the fact this malaise isn’t new is helpful. Someone has been here before. How did they get out?

For the Greeks they found help in reconnecting. When they found themselves experiencing acedia they would double down and reconnect with those they cared about. The relationships and sticking together was they way through.

The first step to reducing this apathy and anxiety is to recognize that it is there! The second step is to reconnect. Who have you lost contact with in the last few months? Who do you need to reach out to? Now that you have completed step one, who do you need to call? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

August 30, 2020August 27, 2020

Was the Message Received? – Rhoads Life Coaching

One of the fundamentals of communication we sometimes miss is verifying if the message we sent was received correctly.

How often do you send a text, email, or even have a phone or in-person conversation and assume that the message you delivered was understood in the way you intended? We fall into a trap of believing a conversation that made sense in my mind made sense in someone else’s.

To be clear, I am not talking about obsessively texting your friend to ask if they got your text. I’m talking about walking away from a conversation where both parties agreed, but were still on two different pages.

Our assumptions prevent effective communication. The reverse is also true in assuming that I understood the message I just received. By not verifying that I understood correctly, I run the risk of moving forward with poor information.

The antidote? Verify the message! Ask if you understood correctly. Or, ask for the message you sent to be repeated back. It takes extra time. It may even sound a bit silly. But how much time and energy will be saved by not having to go back and correct the errors created from miscommunication? – www.rhoadscoaching.com

finding meaning and purpose in daily life

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