There are two main pieces of being human – our essence and our personality. Almost everything about how we think and act can be sorted into these two categories. Both are intricately woven together to create the person you are. In my coaching practice I have found it useful to describe the relationship between essence and personality as if the two were a peach pit and the fruit of a the peach. Your essence is who you really are at the core. Depending on what you believe about how the universe works, there are higher and lower levels of who you are as a being and this essence is part of those higher levels. The essence has a job of being passed onto the next level.
The fruit of the peach is your personality. It grows and wraps itself around the essence. It’s growth and development is vital to the survival of the pit. The fruit’s job is to nourish the pit. The rub in all of this, however, is that the fruit has to come to some level of understanding that it’s role includes aging, weathering, and letting go. In order for the essence to have room to grow, the personality has to eventually step back.
The relationship between your essence and personality ends up being your relationship with yourself. Ironically, this relationship with yourself is the filter through with your engage the rest of the world around you. Whole religions and philosophies have been developed around describing this relationship. Based on what you believe, developing this relationship with yourself may be your purpose in life.
So what parts of you are your personality? What parts are your essence? How can you tell them apart? Are you developing your essence? What would that look like for you? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Hopefully you have had at least one mountaintop experience in your life (whether literally or figuratively). There is something about being human that calls us to find a higher place to gain a broader perspective of our lives and where we fit into the world. To be clear, I am not talking about vacationing or recreating. What I mean by “mountaintop experience” is more of a retreat, a stepping back away from the hectic pace of our lives to contemplate and gain perspective. This could be on a literal mountaintop, or peering out across the vastness of the ocean, or up into the depth of space. For some of us a mountaintop experience has a deep sense of spirituality and could just as easily be achieved during a religious ceremony or simply meditating in an intentional way.
Regardless of how this experience is achieved, the intent is to step up and out of our lives. Our myths, fairy tales, adventures, and parables are full of heroes and heroines retreating to higher place for contemplation. It helps to be up higher in order to see what is out beyond the reach of our daily living. Where are we going? Where have we been? And whether this is literal or introspective, there is value in looking at who we are, how our lives are going, and where we want to go next. This creates purpose and meaning in living!
Another important perspective about these experiences is that they aren’t intended to be sustained indefinitely. It doesn’t take long to realize that living above a certain elevation in the mountains requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money to sustain (and if you haven’t watched the video yet, it is also very windy!). For most of us, gaining perspective from a higher vantage point is a short-term event. For most of us, we are not intended to live on the mountain away from the rest of the people we know. For the heroes in our stories, coming back down the mountain with new insight and information is just as valuable as the revelation achieved. These new perspectives are to be shared! Life in the valley and down on our daily plain of existence is monotonous and messy. We need those revelations in order to keep moving forward!
So if you haven’t taken the time to create a mountaintop experience, you now have homework! You don’t have to fly to Denver and drive up into the snow to create this experience. What are the things you are searching for in your life and how will being a higher place to see help? When will be your next mountaintop experience? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
How much do you we exaggerate what we relate about our lives? Do you add a few degrees of drama in relating an exciting story? Do you downplay how much you worry, or are hurt? This tendency to increase or decrease the reality of our situation comes at a price. We push the way we relate ourselves to others toward the extremes.
Consider the possibility that nearly every form of entertainment, advertising, and social media is exaggerated to some degree. How much does that influence how we relate to each other? It becomes difficult to have empathy for ourselves or others when we only see their highlight reel on our phones; or to find common ground when every encounter is either the best or worst thing that has ever happened to us.
How can you reduce this exaggeration? The language we use to communicate is important. Removing the expectation for every event to be life changing (awesome, epic, huge), allows for perfectionism to be taken out of our experiences. Practice noticing where you exaggerate. Try to reduce that exaggeration by even a small percent. If you could reduce the amount of exaggeration in your thoughts and language, you can have more room for life to be meaningful and fulfilling. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
It is difficult to overstate the idea that we are all connected. In the “Power of Vulnerability”, Brene Brown says that as human beings we are hard-wired for connection. She takes it a step further and states it is part of our purpose to be connected to others and the world. If connection is our purpose, the intent of how we achieve connection changes dramatically. We are not being fully human if we aren’t looking for meaningful and purposeful connection with others.
By not connecting to those around us we are not fulfilling our purpose.
Are you isolating yourself? Do you know someone who is? What do you need to do about it? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Have you ever considered a self-development workshop?
Rhoads Life Coaching offers a series of workshops intended to build internal awareness and relationship skills. These workshops are great for small business team building, staff development, and enhancing communication skills. The workshops are also great for small groups looking for a fun approach to building relationship and communication skills.
Intentional Goal Setting
Conflict Resolution I
Conflict Resolution II
Creating Personal Vision
Creating Personal Purpose Statement
Priority Action Plan (PAP) Development
The best part of these workshops is their flexibility and adaptability to a specific group. If you are looking for a staff retreat or private small group event, these workshops can be molded to each setting, whether that is a business setting or an afternoon at home with friends. Check out more details here, and send a email to firstname.lastname@example.org to book your next workshop!
Too often we look to the world around us expecting change. In reality, purposeful and meaningful change starts as an internal process. The first step toward making changes is to create a practice of self-observation. This practice is difficult, as we either let ourselves off the hook, expecting others to change before us, OR we guilt and shame ourselves into changing (think of all the times you force yourself to exercise or to not eat something you want). Our critical and judgmental pieces tell us we ‘should’ change and this creates a split internally. It is more difficult to change when you are forcing yourself to do something. The antidote to this split is to take the critical and judgmental voices out of the conversation. This is achieved by taking a detached, almost scientific, self-observation of oneself. The simplest way to start is to look back at a recent event and observe how you acted (both internally and externally). What were you thinking? How did you feel? What was the story you were telling yourself as the event happened? Where did that story come from? How could you have acted differently? What would that take? To be able to step back outside of ourselves and observe in a non-judgmental way creates new opportunities for growth and development. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
Have you ever considered that taking intentional aim is different than setting a goal? Setting a goal is critical. We do not have a sense of direction or vision with out a goal. Taking aim, however, is the moment before activation. Aiming requires intent, will, and concentration. Frequently we set goals for ourselves and never reach that activation point. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part. Taking aim changes all of that. It is the moment we switch from contemplating and planning to action. Focusing on how we aim can influence how we approach a task or goal. If our aim does not match our values, priorities, and vision we can sabotage achieving the goal we set. It is possible to focus on aim and adjust the intent – resulting in a different outcome! – www.rhoadscoaching.com
What if the habits and patterns you use are numbing you from experiencing meaning and finding your purpose? These ways of anesthetizing ourselves serve a purpose up to a point. We need to rest and to recharge and be entertained and connected, but the mechanisms we use to do so can numb us from feeling the need to change. Once that numbing becomes a habit it prevents us from making intentional and healthy changes. We have a multitude of ways to numb ourselves to keep from feeling vulnerable. This lack of vulnerability prevents the good things from entering our lives just as much as the bad things. The remedy starts with self-observation. How do you numb yourself? What are you missing by doing so? How can you be intentional about beginning to numb yourself less? – www.rhoadslifecoaching.com
The word is out! Rhoads Life Coaching is making an impact!
Tell your friends, family, and coworkers!
For the month of October, if you refer someone to my practice, and they complete a paid coaching session, I will you give you a
FREE 1-hour coaching session!
Who you do know that is searching for meaning and purpose in the way they approach their daily living? Have them send an email to email@example.com to schedule a free consultation!