expect them to be the new normal. Think back to your kindergartner or teenager learning to ride a bike or drive a car. The FIRST time those things happen is a revelation. We celebrate! But we don’t want our child or our teen to stay at just that level of development. To expect them to be able to ride or drive safely and successfully requires more development. Building a new level of development is different than discovering that new level!
So a breakthrough is not the same as developing a sustainable new level. Do you expect that from yourself and others? Landing at the airport in Denver does not mean I fully understand what Denver is about. Being able to navigate a tough conversation over a conflict with a friend, partner, or co-worker does not mean we are finished in resolving the conflict. To truly maintain a new level of understanding, we have to be committed to putting the time and energy into building something sustainable.
Where in your business or life do you have emerging levels of development? What are your expectations around these changes? If you expect a new level of growth to be a one-time event, I would challenge you to take a look at whether you are setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. Celebrate the breakthroughs, but give yourself the time and space to commit to building something that will last once that breakthrough has happened. Rarely do we ever achieve anything perfectly on the first try. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life ]]>
Expectations – Rhoads Life Coaching
What are your expectations? Seriously, take a minute and think about that. What do you EXPECT to happen. Not just on a grand scale of years and decades and for your life, but on a minute by minute basis.
We have hopes, dreams, vision, goals, and purpose. Each of those is different that expectations. When we start to expect things we begin to fall into a trap of our own making. How do you react when your expectations aren’t met? You get frustrated, right? What we expect to happen is more a reflection of who we are than the world around us. All of our filters and self-protecting behaviors are wrapped up in that expectancy. Frequently the world doesn’t meet our expectations, which leads to suffering. We believe things should go our way (A LOT). The more the things don’t go our way, the more frustrated we get. We suffer greatly this trap. What if you shifted from expectation to hope? How would your world be different if you were more hopeful and less expectant?
So what are the things you expect from the world? Big things and little things. We expect the world to not rain on parades and picnic, right? We expect a raise. We expect our children to listen and behave. We expect our relationships to stay the same once they reach a certain place. We expect someone to respond to a text or email in a certain amount of time. It goes on and on. We expect the world to not change!
What small changes do you need to make in order to reduce your expectations? It is a difficult thing to do as we often don’t see we are doing it. Take some time and observe how you react when things don’t go your way. Even reducing our expectations just a little bit will reduce the frustration we feel with ourselves and the world around us. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding purpose and meaning in daily life
Give Up Your Suffering – Rhoads Life Coaching
We have a twisted relationship with some of the things that cause us suffering. Have you ever soldiered on through a cold and gone to work sick? Ever bragged about how much overtime you put in or how early you got to the gym? Whats the latest you’ve ever responded to a work email on a weekend or vacation? Have you ever complained or been resentful about doing any of these things? We all know someone who enjoys being negative about how hard they work! What do you worry about excessively? Does everything have to be perfect all the time? There is something about us that takes pride and likes some of this suffering. So much so that we are unwilling to give it up!
Clearly there are benefits to working hard and not giving up. But where does that mindset slide too far the other way? Holding on to that suffering eventually comes with a price. Our lives become imbalanced. Other parts of our lives (i.e., relationships, physical health, emotional health) can be damaged when we fall in love with the belief that all suffering is good for us.
So where in your life are you causing yourself more problems by holding on to suffering? What mindset or habit could be modified to reduce negativity or balance yourself out? What do you need in order to let go a little bit? Most importantly, what valuable thing could enter into your life if you made some space by removing some the suffering you are clinging to? Take a small step this week and find one small pain point you cause yourself and let go of it to see what happens. Hopefully you find more meaning in that new thing! – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding purpose and meaning in daily life
Human-Being vs. Human-Doing – Rhoads Life Coaching
How would you describe yourself? There are lots of different labels and tags to define how we identify ourselves. At the core though, you are a human being! Does your life reflect that? Or are you a “human doing”? How is that different? Does it matter?
If our lists of things to do, calendars events, paychecks, cars, houses, accomplishments, and over-busy lives were the most important things, we would call ourselves human doings. But we don’t! While our lives can be very mechanical, there is more to us than all of the daily repetition. There is a difference between being and doing! We identify ourselves as beings, so there is more to us than what we do. But what is that? It starts with separating your doing from your being. At some level we understand there is a piece of us that is different from our job and achievements. Evidence for this is that we love our partner, or child, or pet for who they are, not what what they do. The same logic applies to you. If you can begin to see value in who you are, you can separate that from what you do. It takes practice and lots of self-observation.
Again, does it matter? If you are not a “human doing” then our busy-ness and stuff is not as valuable as we think. Your value comes from your being. What we do is not who we are. You are a human being! So who are you? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life
Mountaintop Experience – Rhoads Life Coaching
Hopefully you have had at least one mountaintop experience in your life (whether literally or figuratively). There is something about being human that calls us to find a higher place to gain a broader perspective of our lives and where we fit into the world. To be clear, I am not talking about vacationing or recreating. What I mean by “mountaintop experience” is more of a retreat, a stepping back away from the hectic pace of our lives to contemplate and gain perspective. This could be on a literal mountaintop, or peering out across the vastness of the ocean, or up into the depth of space. For some of us a mountaintop experience has a deep sense of spirituality and could just as easily be achieved during a religious ceremony or simply meditating in an intentional way.
Regardless of how this experience is achieved, the intent is to step up and out of our lives. Our myths, fairy tales, adventures, and parables are full of heroes and heroines retreating to higher place for contemplation. It helps to be up higher in order to see what is out beyond the reach of our daily living. Where are we going? Where have we been? And whether this is literal or introspective, there is value in looking at who we are, how our lives are going, and where we want to go next. This creates purpose and meaning in living!
Another important perspective about these experiences is that they aren’t intended to be sustained indefinitely. It doesn’t take long to realize that living above a certain elevation in the mountains requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money to sustain (and if you haven’t watched the video yet, it is also very windy!). For most of us, gaining perspective from a higher vantage point is a short-term event. For most of us, we are not intended to live on the mountain away from the rest of the people we know. For the heroes in our stories, coming back down the mountain with new insight and information is just as valuable as the revelation achieved. These new perspectives are to be shared! Life in the valley and down on our daily plain of existence is monotonous and messy. We need those revelations in order to keep moving forward!
So if you haven’t taken the time to create a mountaintop experience, you now have homework! You don’t have to fly to Denver and drive up into the snow to create this experience. What are the things you are searching for in your life and how will being a higher place to see help? When will be your next mountaintop experience? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life
How Are You Motivated? – Rhoads Life Coaching
HOW you are motivated is different from WHAT motivates you. Are you motivated because you want to do things, or because you have to? The pull or push of that motivation makes a big difference in how we see and experience the world.
Think of the donkey being motivated by wanting the carrot instead of being driven forward with the swing of a stick. Both are effective tools for motivation. There is a dilemma though if we are being pushed (or push ourselves) too much. Using the stick too much in our daily lives has long term negative consequences. The message of “you have to do this.” or “I have to do this.” implies there is no choice given. It requires less effort for the donkey to want to go forward.
We have countless examples of these two forms in our lives – either being drawn towards what we want, or being pushed to do something we would not choose to do. So where do they appear in your life? Take some time and observe over the next few days and weeks which mechanism (pushed or pulled) is being applied as you go through your day. Don’t just apply this to big decisions. Are you being pushed or pulled into obeying traffic laws? Is there a benefit for you in WANTING to be safe with everyone else on the road instead of HAVING to obey the law? Can grocery shopping be something other than a chore?
The intent is to be able to have more ownership and purpose in each task. This is possible by wanting to be intentional with your daily life instead of being driven forward by the tasks that HAVE to be completed. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life
Inner Talking – Rhoads Life Coaching
We have lots of conversations with ourselves. This inner talking happens all the time, whether we notice it or not. There can be one or two sides of our personality giving commentary, or a multitude of thoughts and comments being thrown around inside each of us as we navigate through the day. Have you ever paid any attention to how you speak to yourself? Why does it matter?
This inner talking is important as it gives a clue as to which internal lens we are seeing the world through. This could have a big impact on how we react! Some of these conversations can be very negative and can have a significant impact on how we address the world.
It is also important to pay attention to how we talk to ourselves as we sometimes treat ourselves much more harshly than we would treat others. Are the conversations you have inside your head helpful or hurtful? Do you blame or shame yourself? Would you speak to your family, friends, or coworkers the same way your Inner Critic speaks to you? If your inner talking is more negative towards you than others then you could be limiting your own potential. If those harsh inner thoughts are being given to others, then you are a source of negativity in your own world.
Ironically, it is that same inner talking that can be part of the solution. By creating positive inner talking you can push back and silence the negative comments! How much do you affirm yourself for the positive things in your life? How much do you affirm all of the hard work and effort that goes into each day?
Be careful with how you speak to yourself! That inner talking has a significant influence on your daily life! – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life
Energy Sinks and Energy Wells – Rhoads Life Coaching
An energy sink is a place in your life where you have to use energy to be present. An energy well is the opposite, a please where you are recharged by being there or participating. Just like in a video game, these sinks and energy are distributed through out our lives and we interact with them on a daily basis, sometimes trying to avoid them and sometimes trying to find them.
There are also different types of sinks and wells. We have physical energy, emotional energy, and intellectual energy and it is possible to fuel or drain one or more of these sources without fueling or draining others. Have you ever noticed that after an exhausting week you are able to rally on Friday evening and go out to have fun? That intellectual or physical sink can be recharged with an emotional well!
So our energy levels are complex! It takes stored capacity to do the things that are valuable and important to us. It becomes a subtle science of paying attention to what drains us and what fuels us. The intent is not to only hoard energy, but to create a balance of give and take. It is possible to deplete all of your energy until there is nothing left to give.
There is unique quality to you as a person that your sinks and wells are specific to you. Understanding what they are is important and being able to navigate between giving and taking energy to those around you is critical to your health and well being.
Where do you have to use energy in your life? Where do you have wells to refuel? Pay attention to those sinks and wells and how you treat yourself in terms finding each when you need them. – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life
Creating Effort to Avoid Effort- Rhoads Life Coaching
Yogi Berra, in his infinite humor and wisdom, is rumored to have said once after passing the same landmark three times, “We are lost, but we are making good time!” His joke is a perfect example of creating effort in order to avoid effort! How often in life do we refuse to stop and figure out a practical solution to a problem and end up creating a whole new problem by avoiding solution?
If you are honest with yourself, you can think of a recent example where you spent time and energy to do something in order to avoid doing something else. Our children are masters at it when it comes time to eat their vegetables or go to bed. Entire procedures and policies are created by profitable businesses to avoid confronting an unethical or unproductive situation. From a practical standpoint it is possible to overextend ourselves by creating new tasks in order to avoid something else. There is a temporary gain in creating this new effort. In the long run, however, we lose not only the energy and time in completing the new task, but the original problem is still left to be resolved.
The solution starts with self observation. Being able to change starts with realizing that something is being avoided. It is easy to see in small children. Can you see it in yourself? Understanding what is being avoided and why allows for a solution to be tested and a more direct path found.
We are given a limited amount of time and energy each day. We also sometimes make things more difficult for ourselves by creating unnecessary obstacles or paths. Where in your life are you creating effort in order to avoid effort? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding meaning and purpose in daily life
Recurrence & Getting ‘Unstuck’ – Rhoads Life Coaching
Recurrence is the repeating of events, thoughts, and emotions in our lives. We tend to think of life as a long linear string, but in reality we live our lives in loops of varying lengths and degree. These loops lull us to sleep. The only way to get out of these patterns is to change how we live.
Punxsutawney, PA just celebrated their 132nd Groundhog Day. They have a lot of practice at this recurring tradition! This mile marker on the calendar has become one of my favorite ‘holy-days’ not because of the tradition and predicting (and celebrating) the end of winter, but because of the 1993 movie ‘Groundhog Day’. Harold Ramus and Bill Murray give us a comical example of how recurrence works. It is possible to to get stuck in the loop of doing the same things day after day, week after week, year after year. How often do you say to yourself, ‘Where did the weekend go?’ or ‘I’m just trying to get to Friday’? If we don’t pay attention, nothing ever really changes and we become mechanical in how we live. This mechanicalness drains the meaning and fulfillment out of our lives.
So how does Bill Murray get out of his loop? First he takes ownership of his situation. Something has to be done! He keeps trying things until things start to click. There are setbacks! It is hard to break out of the recurring patterns. He has to change. It is critical to note that the world doesn’t change around him. The change comes from within himself.
Here are four rules to follow for getting ‘unstuck’!
- Do SOMETHING!
- Don’t STOP!
- Lose CONTROL (in a good way)!
- Ask for HELP!
Where are their recurrences in your life? These could be daily, weekly, monthly, annually. Where are you being mechanical and just going through the motions? What is ONE THING to do different this week to start to break the loop and to create more intention and meaning in how you live? – www.rhoadscoaching.com
finding purpose and meaning in daily life